PhatSnatch

What has been seen....

2009-05-03T15:13:00.008+02:00

Alright...so...it's been over a year since anything has been done to the Phat, which in some cases might seem as a good thing seeing that I raped the Phat the last time I tried to do anything on it, and a lot like the picture above, I did change the once very sleek and stylish PhatSnatch layout into a pile of steaming horse shit (Yes. It was actually that bad...) and the minimum amount of effort that it took is actually scary. But none the less, I have returned once again to change a couple of things...once again... and they seem to have not exploded in my face this time around so score one for Phatboi! In saying that, I need to add that I'm not done with my changes so on second thought I think I'll leave the victory party till after all the changes have been made. Who knows, history might just repeat it's self (like the previous three times)

This is Phatboi....carefully singing out!

The whole comment thing!

2008-03-14T09:25:00.001+02:00

The Comments thing. Its there, its nasty and I can't help it. Try it out and tell me how much you hate it!

Change...

2008-03-14T07:25:00.002+02:00

Change, like celebs and implants is inevitable. And looking at the picture on the left I'm not sure it's always a good thing. One thing i know for sure is, we needed a new blog template 'cause I broke the other one, and after I broke it, someone else broke it even further by removing the only good thing about this blog - the super cool (yes I just said that) flash movie-banner-thing!

I would ask GeO's mom to leave us a comment on the Phat's new look, but this template doesn't have that feature....yet. And seeing that my web dev skills are much like my birth giving skills, it's probably going to stay like that for a while so just give us a break.

Till next time bitches!

It's been a while...

2007-11-12T13:31:00.000+02:00

Damn it feels good to be a gangster!

Alright! So I'm not really a gangster. But if I were, I'd be more of a gangster than GeO and Good Apollo put together! That's not the point! The point is that you should read the post, enjoy the post, and come back for more a little later - and by "a little later" I mean next year this time when I post something new!

Untill then. Keep it real in the hood!

Ps. My "hood" is the safe and comfey office I work in, and "Keeping it real" means doing as I'm told.
See how much of a gangsta I really am?

Peace Fools!

SA Blog Awards Time

2007-02-17T12:05:00.000+02:00

The Phat is a over a year old. And we suck now more than we ever had. Not even my mom visits the blog anymore! That's not going to stop me from voting for ourselves for the SA Blog of the Year awards. I have already nominated the Phat in every category. Highly unlikely we are going to win anything...But I urge anybody that keeps the dream alive to vote for the Phat!

I was browsing through some of our old posts and I have to say we used to be such a brilliant blog. No shit. Seriously check out the March 2006 Posts . We were on fire! If the SA Blog Awards are based purely on merit then we need to win (something...anything!) just for this post alone. We were Gods for a day - in the Top 10 for SA Topsites Blog category.

Sweet Ride!

2007-01-25T14:44:00.000+02:00

Do the chickens have large talons? The answer is quite simply, yes.
Napoleon Dynamite sound bites here....

Well lookey lookey here!

2007-01-17T17:56:00.000+02:00

Ok. First of all. By this picture saying: "Tony's Hard Work Day" I was actually hoping to say:

"Phatboi's incredibly miserable life and hard work to try and think of something funny to write on the Snatch so that he can totally entertain the masses and be like a rockgod work day"

That's sort of the main reason why I haven't been posting as of late...well that and the fact that my pc died because I got a virus from the gay-midget-animal porn cleverly disguised as normal porn that GeO sent me. Nice one GeO. Remind me to return the favour sometime...well that and...Ever since I started my new my new job i haven't really been as angry and totally pissed off as I used to be. And all three of our faithful readers know that my anger is the key to my creativity. It's sort of like when you go to prison and your ass becomes the key to happiness for a 500kg prisoner named Tiny...Oh and just btw, that happened to a friend of a friend - NOT TO ME - i repeat - It did not happen to me...It happened to a guy who I know's friend...OK?

Stop judging me!

Anyway - GeO and I have devised yet another plan for The Snatch to become the most kick-ass well-hung blog on the block, cause we rock, so you can just go ahead and suck my cool-aid!!! This plan will take affect as soon as G'Apollo gets off of his lazy ass and comes out drinking with us. It involves lots of money, lots of fame and booze and hummers with over sized chrome rims and PS3's...lots of PS3's.

So watch this space you muhfuggers!

PhatBoi out!

Phat Female Friday

2006-12-08T15:11:00.000+02:00

Its a quiet day here at the office. Thank God everybody is taking their leave now - it just means less work for me - which means more posts on the Phat. And that is not necessarily a good thing either. I reckon I went on holiday just at the right time, just before the silly season of December. Everything goes wrong in November and I am so glad I missed all the bullshit involved in that. Now I can just sit back and take it easy at the office. And post arbitrary stuff like Phat Female Friday because apparently thats all I'm good for...in regards to PhatSnatch. In real life I have other skills like push-up skills and pull-up skills, and a fraction of arm-wrestling skills but only when I have been drinking.

So for all you poor sods that are going away for the holidays during December enjoy waiting in traffic, waiting in lines and try avoid the millions of suicidal holiday makers on our roads.

This is Victoria's Secret fashion show as presented by IGN.

I'm Back Large And Oh So Very Much In Charge

2006-11-29T09:08:00.000+02:00

I'm back from Aus. Its great to be back home but not so great to be back to the sweltering hell hole I like to call "Work." Anyway mates, I can like to have cooked some shrimps on the barbie - for the uninformed that's Australian slang for "I make good time". I miss Aus already. But we'll get into that socio-economic argument some other day.

Upon arriving in SA I was surprised to discover that all my stuff at work (ie. keyboard, stationary, monitors, lunch boxes, business cards etc.) was as I had left it. At my company when someone goes on leave they're as good as dead. Which makes anything lying on their desk free for the taking. I was seriously hoping that I would be missing all my stuff when I got back - I would've spent the next two days of being back at the office hunting the scum that took my stuff and avoiding all work during that period. And of course I would've had to spend another day formatting my machine because who knows what sort of deprived perverted animal-midget porn the office vegetarian was browsing on my machine during my absence. I then planned on spending the next 2 days of being back at the office catching up on unfinished business. And when is "catching up on unfinished business" I mean playing Q3. Alas, I've spent my first days back at work doing some constructive work. Which totally goes against my nature and everything I believe in.

On that note I've been spending a lot of my time staring at this website...

And on that note here's some pics of an all-time Phat favorite, Brooke Burke - only because I wont be doing Phat Female Friday tomorrow and because I feel slightly guilty for not posting while I was away. And there's the small matter of me being lazy. I can't help it, I'm apathetic like that.

Btw, big ups to Attu for this post and Popoholic

I.T vs. Prostitution

2006-11-13T11:11:00.000+02:00

Right, as you all know, GeO, G'd Apollo and I are in the raping business. Yes. You heard me - The raping business. We get raped from behind everyday by a little monster called the "I.T business"
But before you ask anymore questions, read the following:

Working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...

 Like prostitutes.

2. They pay you to make the client happy...

 Like a prostitute.


3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost everypenny...

Like a prostitute.


4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...

Like a prostitute.


5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in thesame profession as you...

Like a prostitute.


6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectlygroomed...

Like a prostitute. 


7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell...

Like a prostitute.


8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things fromyou...

Like a prostitute.


9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties to explainit...

Like a prostitute.


10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: "I'm not going to spent the rest ofmy life doing this."

Like a prostitute ........

Snotnose Monday!

2006-10-30T07:57:00.000+02:00

Dsa-yom! It's Monday morning, it's raining and I've got a bitchin' cold making it's infectious way through my babbelas ridden body! And much like the little boy in this picture, it's all snot and tears from PhatBoi Central...because to tell you the truth - I don't feel good and I want my mommy!

The fact that I'm listening to Seether's Karma and Effectalbum at the moment seems to be the only thing keeping me alive, that and the two liters of Nescafe I just snorted. Under normal circumstances I would have been so hyper that spontaneous combustion would've been probable. But I'm not that lucky today because like I said:

"It's Monday morning, it's raining and I've got a bitchin' cold..."

This is PhatBoi getting down with the muhfuggin' sickness and signing out.

Phat Female Friday

2006-10-26T12:34:00.000+02:00

I haven't done this post in about 2 years. And I wont be doing this post again for a while either. I'm going to Australia. For a holinday. Truth be told I have forgotten what its like to post on the blog. The exhilirating thrill of uploading "risque" (that's French for risky) SFW pictures that are not so SFW (if you know what I'm saying but I dont think anybody really does...) during working hours. There is nothing quiet like the threat of a director walking in on a Phat Female post in the making. The promise of being fired!

And yes I will be in Aus for the next couple of weeks. And no I mostly likely will not post while I'm away.

Enough of that crap! After a super long hiatus Phat Female Friday is back, large and in charge! So enjoy and be kind to children, not too kind of course.

I.T vs. Management

2006-10-16T10:09:00.000+02:00

A man in a hot air balloon got lost. He spots a woman below. He descended a bit and shouted:
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 45 degrees north latitude and between 9 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am!" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Who's house? My house.

2006-10-09T12:12:00.000+02:00

Yes, it's true.

I'm back from touring Germany.

Ok, straight to business - Selling points:

1. You can buy beer at the petrol stations.
2. Public transport rocks.

As soon as the Gautrain is up and running and I can pick up a sixer of Windhoek at my local Engen, I'm staying put ;)

I have 2 gigs left for the rest of the year (after 40 playing gigs from February - which is a lot for an SA rock act) and maybe 3 CT dates. The rest of the time I'll be spending doing pre-production with my band for our first international release.

And, I have also acquired a new job.. a better job. Take note, GeO. Myself and PBoi are trying to tell you something.

That's it for now.
Here's a picture of a crazy Asian!

It's amazing how many porn links you get when Googling for any phrase containing "Asian".
><

Outta here.

Phat Female Friday

2006-10-06T10:53:00.000+02:00

I almost forgot to post today's Phat Female. I found this file on my PC. I don't know who this is, I just thought this was a cool picture.

Phatsnatch Office lingo 101

2006-10-04T16:12:00.000+02:00

I'm back again (I know it's been a while) to educate the masses...again...

This time around we here at the Phat are aiming to give the average office worker some office "street cred" - if you know what I'm saying knee-grow?

No longer will you be the laughing stock at the water cooler. No longer will you hear undertones of giggles when walking to your lunchbox sized cubicle. You my friend will get the r.e.s.p.e.c.t.e.c.t that you deserve!

Today's Office lingo word is "Coworked"

Repeat after me "Co - Worked" and again "Co - worked". Good.
The meaning of "coworked" is as follows:

When you are doing something at work that is not work-related that requires your full attention, such as playing a video game, and a co-worker suddenly pops in forcing you to make it look as if you are busy and hide your game (such as with alt-tab). After the co-worker leaves, you typically return to your video game to find your character dead.

Joe: Hey man what are you doing? Are you gonna help us capture the flag?
Bob: Sorry I got coworked! Had to alt-tab!

In my case it was the office vegetarian that used to creep up on me to see if I'm actually doing anything productive...Hey! Gaming is productive!...Damn vegetarian asshole...But I guess they're everywhere aren't they...

So till next time kids: Keep it Phat, keep it real and keep it in your pants!

regards
Prof. Phat Boi (PhD - Player Hater Degree)

Office lingo word with compliments of urban dictionary

Phat Female Friday

2006-09-29T11:06:00.000+02:00

Big ups to my crazy home-boi for trying to keep the dream alive. PhatBoi, this one is dedicated to you.

It's been a while...

2006-09-27T11:37:00.000+02:00

Yip! You guessed it. There's a postman pat movie coming out next year...NOT! But I could just hear you cringe and swear as soon as you read that! Mwhu ha ha ha! Dsa-yom! I'm evil like that.

No. The purpose of this picture is merely to state that I'm as happy at my job as postman pat is doing his black and white cat.

No, that's not it either...This is a picture of GeO taken when he was in the U.K last year. Cute isn't it? He is wearing glasses cos he forgot his contact-lens solution at home and his wearing weird clothes because...well...that's just the way GeO dresses. That and he heard that one can get lots of pussy when dressed in uniform. As you can see in the background it obviously worked for him. Nice going GeO!

What am I trying to say with this post? Nothing really. I just wanted to make fun of GeO's fashion sense for punishment of posting such a kak Phat Phemale Friday...

GeO. This is a good time to learn from your mistakes and move on. It's Karma baby!

Phat Female Friday

2006-09-22T08:46:00.000+02:00

So it has come to this. PhatSnatch is a dying blog. 1 post a week. We haven't had any original content for like a month. The end is near. For God's sake, we even missed the opportunity to post on Talk Like A Pirate Day. Ever since PhatBoi started his new job he's been a whole lot happier. Which is bad for PhatSnatch, since our greatest posts have been made during massive fits of rage.

This is an old Jessica Biel spread. I have nothing new to contribute.

Phat Female Friday

2006-09-15T16:13:00.000+02:00

I almost didn't post todays Phat Female. I nearly forget about it. I'm feeling lazy so today's post is another contribution thanks to Gorilla Mask. Check out more poor quality scans of April Scott here

Keeping with the Dilbert thing...

2006-09-13T14:14:00.000+02:00

Seeing that GeO stole my idea for a Dilbert post, the post which you reading now runs the risk of seeming unoriginal and bland. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or maybe GeO broke into my office and stole my idea for a great Dilbert post.

Either way. Read the Dilbert cartoon cos if you've been having a kak day it will make you feel better, and if your day hasn't been so kak - get a job in I.T

- End

Ps. GeO! My dilbert cartoon is in colour! How do you like them apples? Fool!
Pss. Say hi to your mom for me!

Dilbert Again

2006-09-13T08:52:00.000+02:00

I've said this before and I'll say it again, Dilbert is funny because its true. Sad, but true.

Phat Female Friday

2006-09-08T09:39:00.000+02:00

This is Tina O' Brien. You can view more of her pictures here at Double Viking. She's not famous. Neither is PhatSnatch. Sigh. Browsing through Double Viking makes me feel inadequate. In the sense that Double Viking is the site we could only dream that PhatSnatch could be. Sigh.

Lassie's Revenge

2006-09-06T16:17:00.000+02:00

Everybody's favourite super-human...umm...dog is back in a new adventure.

"Lassie, everyone's favorite canine heroine, returns to big screen this weekend in a new movie from Samuel Goldwyn Films and filmmaker Charles Sturridge. The new Lassie..." (IGN)

The new Lassie promises to be a rehash of the 60's classic (the movie not the TV series) with a 2006 twist, flying space cars et al. The original had undertones of beastiality and BDSM, it'll be interesting to see whether the remake carries these themes over. Or not. I could be lying.

Check out this funny article from IGN that pits the new Lassie against the new Megatron. Lassie wins because the new Megatron sucks balls. But so does Lassie. Why?...Because she can.

Greener Pastures.

2006-09-04T17:05:00.000+02:00

GeO speaks the truth. I quit my job. It's no use complaining about how your job is killing your soul, if you're not going to do anything about it. No offence to anyone who's complaining about that exact same thing and who's name starts with a G and sounds like Neo...mmkay

So I started a new job ON A Monday. I can already hear you saying: "Dsa-yom! Poor knee-grow has got it bad!" But seriously, it's not that bad. Maybe this job has resurrected my soul just to kill it later on or maybe I'm still a bit drunk from my going away party on Thursday... either way, I don't think it was a bad move but as we all know, only time will tell.

As the good ole' saying goes: "Time's fun when you're having flies."

Just btw. I know the masses have been complaining about my lack of posting the last week or so. I'm sorry. I can't promise you that it won't happen again. I blame it on High nuclear activity in my area, my dynamic software linking table getting corrupted and static from my nylon underwear...

Do you get where I'm going with this? If you don't, go here. It will give you more or less an idea of what I'm talking about...or not. I don't care - I'm just well hung.

- Phatboi! out.

Phat Female Friday

2006-09-01T09:46:00.000+02:00

Today's post is being written on a very somber mood. For those you who don't know PhatBoi and I work at the same company (who's name a I will refrain from using). Let me rephrase, PhatBoi and I used to work at the same company. PhatBoi resigned and yesterday was his going away party.

It's 1:30 pm and I've still got a blistering headache. It was an awesome day/evening filled with 8 hours of solid drinking, eating and some arm wrestling thrown in for good measure (thats my hand modelling career straight out the window). Chocolate cake shooters have never tatsed so foul! But in the end a good time was had by all that attended.

Even though PhatBoi has found greener pastures it does not mean he won't be contributing to the blog. It just means he'll be contributing less frequently. I'm going to dig into some Chinese food now while you stare over today's Phat Female, Heidi Klum. In memory of lost homies...

Btw, happy Spring day to all our Southern Hemisphere readers!

Transformer's Movie...Again

2006-08-27T11:09:00.000+02:00

Does anyone remember the He-Man live action movie? Remember how disappointing it was? A kind of disappointment stemming from the fact that the movie executives took the characters we had grown to love and cherish, and then duly raping those characters. Up the anus. With tabasco sauce coated pineapples.

Something tells me the Transformer's movie has gotten the full scale "you know what would make the Transformer's even cooler" treatment. Prepare for more disappointment kids.
Take a lookie here.

Phat Female Friday

2006-08-25T13:08:00.000+02:00

Drum-roll please! Welcome to the first ever edition of Phat Female Friday. Where we bring you the phatest, phlyest females the internet has to offer. You guys may remember I was offering a reward to the best title for this post after we had the whole renaming debacle. Even though Jammin and Marbro had some interesting titles I decided against their ideas, purely because I think my title was better than theirs and I wanted the prize money for myself. I'm stingy like that.

Heck Yeah!
This used to be Mo's money. He used to a contributor with PhatSnatch. He contributed to our blog about as much as Hezbollah contributes to stability in the Middle East. PhatBoi took back what was rightfully ours and Mo never posted again. This money is mine now! I'm going to use it to do all sorts of nasty shit, like eating chocolate pizza and...ummm...purchasing petrol and stuff...

That's my reward. Beatriz Barros can be your reward.

VICTORY

2006-08-23T16:37:00.000+02:00

Victory.

Finally, I have passed my CCNA exam. It has been torture, but there is nothing quite like blaring the Rocky Theme song on the drive to the testing centre to get you in the right frame of mind for an exam. Thank God. Now I can now focus on my hand modelling career.

Eye of the tiger baby, eye of the tiger.

It's Official!

2006-08-23T10:06:00.000+02:00

"The official movie title of Marvel's first family of superheroes, The Fantastic Four, was recently announced as The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

The cast of the original Four will be returning, with Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic, Michael Chiklis as the Thing, Chris Evans as the Human Torch, and Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman."

Can you believe that shit?!? OMG! OMG! OMG! Just as excited as Good Apollo and GeO are about the Transformers movie that's coming out, so does the excitement run through my jean pant like electricity (or something) about the Silver Surfer in a movie. Fine, it may not be a film dedicated solely to the Surfer, but still... It's the Silver Surfer! Heck Yeah!

The anger within...

2006-08-23T09:15:00.000+02:00

Within the first 5 seconds of walking into the office this morning I was totally blindsided by a shit-fit from a power tripping, rank pulling, lower management, cock sucking sorry excuse for a human being...Like our green friend in the picture above I just wanted to reach out and grab the managing retard by the neck and punch them so hard that they'll need to unzip their pants just to say hi! GOSH!

If you could see me now, you'd probably confuse me for The Hulk. Well, if you take away my infinite strength that grows exponentially as I get angrier, and if you take in consideration that I'm not a muscle bound behemoth the size of a small house, and if you over look the fact that my skin doesn't have a candy green discoloration to it I look exactly like the Incredible Hulk. To be honest, the only thing incredible about me at the moment is my incredible lack of compassion and patience for the fucktard who put me in this foul mood...

Prepare for mutany.

PhatBoi out.

I weep

2006-08-21T16:40:00.000+02:00

And this time it's not because of GeO's lack of manliness.

If you are not indigenous to South Africa, or if you're a soutie who thought that learning Afrikaans was a waste of your time, you won't understand the joke. Unlucky...

When applying for her South African ID, this lady requested that a dash be put on the last letter of her name. She wrote her name "Anmerí" and in Afrikaans wrote: "let op na die strepie op i" (or "take note of the dash on the i").

This is what she got back:

The mind boggles.
The tastebuds shudder.

'pollo.

Treats for the G(r)eek

2006-08-21T13:09:00.000+02:00

Since GeO nearly creamed his jeans regarding the Transformers movie (and since he showed his lack of comprehension of everything that is Transformer by saying that they "mutate") I am posting these two links up for him, for educational purposes.

- Jalopnik's Transformers Mini Site
- Transformer World 2005

Have fun, cup cake.

I'm such a Good Apollo.

Everybody look at me, me.

2006-08-21T10:17:00.000+02:00

I realised the following when I was driving to hel... work this morning:

The journey to your office is a lot quicker when you're not suffering from a hangover.
Honestly, this morning it was 20min, as opposed to the 4 day journey, when I had been drinking heavily the previous evening.

=

=

(no, this is not me. got Google?)

I would like to take some time now to share some thoughts with you regarding a particular subject, one that has been bothering me for about 2 months now.

But firstly, let's step back a few years to, let's say circa 2000 - 2003.

2000

Nelly Furtado released her debut album "Whoa, Nelly!"

The first single off this record, was of course "I'm like a bird.". In my humble opinion, this was the worst track on the album, albeit catchy. Which is probably the reason why it was the first single. Now, everyone got sick of this song, really quickly, changing lyrical content to "I'm like a turd, I only flush away" (OH ROFL COMEDY GENIUS), etc.

Oh and a lot of people didn't like the pitch and tonal quality of her voice either.

I'm a bit of a music slut, so I'll literally listen to anything out of any genre. I got my hands on one or two other tracks and I actually liked it, so I bought the album. And I was really really impressed. 2 of my favorite tracks from the Whoa Nelly album:

"... On The Radio (Remember The Days)"

You liked me till' you heard my shit on the radio
Well I hate to say but pop aint' going solo
You liked me till' you heard my shit on the radio
But now I'm just too mainstream for you, oh no
You liked me till' you seen me on your t.v.
Well if you're so low below then why you watching
You say good things come to those who wait
Well I've been waiting a long time for it

[Chorus:]
I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you
And be less then I was just to prove I could walk beside you
Now that I've flown away I see you've chosen to stay behind me
And still you curse the day I decided to stay true to myself

You say your quest is to bring it higher
Well I never seen change without a fire
But from your mouth I have seen a lot of burning
But underneath I think it's a lot of yearning
Your face, the colours change from green to yellow
To the point where you can't even say hello
You tell me you'd kill me if I ever snob you out
Like that's what you'd expect from me, like that's what I'm about

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
It's so much easier to stay down there guaranteeing you're cool
Than to sit up here exposing myself trying to break through
Than to burn in the spotlight, turn in the spitfire
Scream without making a sound, be up here and not look down
because we're all afraid of heights

[Chorus]

Why ya hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me so so,
leave me down down down down low leave me down da down down da down da down down down...shit on the radio... shit on the radio... shit on the radio... shit on the radio

"Turn Off The Light"

It's getting so lonely inside this bed
Don't know if I should lick my wounds or say woe is me instead
And there's an aching inside my head
It's telling me I'm better off alone
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you will get some

[Chorus:]
They say that girl ya know she act too tough tough tough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
They say that girl you know she act so rough rough rough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
And I say follow me follow me follow me down down down down
till' you see all my dreams
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems

I looked above the other day
Cuz I think I'm good and ready for a change
I live my life by the moon
If it's high play it low, if it's harvest go slow and if it's full, then go
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you're gonna get some

[Chorus]

I'm searching for things that I just cannot see
Why don't you don't you don't you come and be with me
I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe
That I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve
I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life
Where is the love that I'm looking to find
It's all in me, can't you see, why can't you, why can't you see it's all in me

[Chorus]

Where is your logic
Who do you need
Where can you turn in your delicate time of need
Follow me down, follow me down down down,
I do not need I do not need nobody
Where is your logic
Who do you need
Where can you turn in your delicate time of need

--------------------------

Even the lyrical content was not bad at all, and her style of singing made it so much easier my ear. It was poppy, but it contained elements from a broad style of music, and I really thought it was something fresh and now. Funky style, lot's of attitude and of course, she's definitely not bad to look at:

Ok fine, she's superhot!

2003

Nelly Furtado releases her second album, entitled "Folklore." Working with 2 producers named "Track" and "Field" respectively, they put together a fantastic album that just flies completely underneath the radar. Besides the single "Try" and "Forca" used for the 2004 European Football Championship, nothing else was really playlisted off this album. Well, definitely not in South Africa, as far as I can remember. Which is a damn shame, because this is probably one of the best albums I have in my collection. It really is sad, if you think about it. The albums that contain the most artistic integrity and creativeness, always seem to go unnoticed by the general public. Not only did this album have really good tracks that were well written and well produced, it also showed that she had matured, if you take into consideration the lyrical context on this album. Here's the lyrics to 2 of my favorite tracks from "Folklore".

"Try"

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

"Explode"

Vera's face burnt as a memory of bedroom fun
With a lighter and some hairspray
Smoking in the girls' room
Not worse than Shelley's rape behind the McDonald's
By a man she thought was fine, didn't tell anybody
Or maybe back then we just thought that she was getting some

Now we look back and see that she didn't know how
We never thought that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste

As we explode
As we explode

Then getting drunk in the bushes by the road outside the Kmart
Rolling around in them to see if you would get prickled
Slip the acid on your tongue rooftop mall parkade
We couldn't get enough

Then count the stars and the ten million woes
Just you and the universe judging each other
We never knew that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste

As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
As we let go

It's a fight, it's a fight and you finally belong
Got a shiner now and it's more than a battle scar
More than a battle scar, such a good, good story to tell
At lunch break, lunch break, lunch break, lunch break
Such a good, good story to tell

You bully, you break, you bully, you break
You fake, you fake, you fake, you fake
You smoke, you toke, you want, you flaunt, you hit it and you're in it and it's spinning

And it's wild
We never thought that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste

As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
As we let go

We're counting the stars
We're counting the stars
We're gonna go far, we're gonna go far
We're counting the stars, we're counting the stars
We're not very far, we're not very far

And it's you and me in the open air
It's truth or dare, we don't care
We're counting the stars, we're counting the stars, we're counting the stars, we're counting the stars

--------------------------

2006

"Loose" is released, and along with it comes a Timbaland-produced, airbrushed, tarted up Nelly Furtado.

According to the WikiPedia, Loose is her most succesful album up to date. I attribute this to the fact that it contains horse-shit pop songs, that would appeal to the MTV-brainwashed masses. An example:

"Maneater"

[Verse 1]
Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody what chu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me!

[Chorus]
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

[Verse 2]
And when she walks she walks with passion
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it
when she asks for something boy she means it
even if you never ever seen it
everybody get your necks to crack around
all you crazy people come on jump around
you doing anything to keep her by your side
because, she said she love you, love you long time!

[Chorus]
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

[Chants]

[Chorus]
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

Never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!

--------------------------

I get the fact that she has to sell albums as a professional musician, in order to survive. I mean, that's her job. I'm going to have the exact same job very soon.

But I am disappointed.
I'm disappointed with the general public's lack of interest in the first 2 albums, which has forced her to go this way.
I'm disappointed that she's following in the footsteps of so many other artists that took the "Let's make really shitty songs, that make no sense and drops beats that make even less sense, but people can still pretend to dance to it if we play it to death on radio and television". My shit is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s?

Indeed.
The Good Apollo, trying not to explode.

...

2006-08-18T12:11:00.000+02:00

I don't know what to call this post anymore. It used to be called "Cleavage of the Week", however we at the Phat keeping ahead of the times as we like to do, noticed a disturbing trend that bloggers were commonly naming there weekly posts "Something" Of The Week. Accordingly, we decided to change the name to "Cleavage Friday" since we like keeping ahead of the times. Yesterday whilst browsing the internet I came across a local blog. This blog (whose name I will refrain from mentioning) has their own Cleavage Friday...A conflict of interests if I ever did encounter one.

This blog stands against everything that PhatSnatch strives to be. You may be wondering, who are these sinners? I will refrain from mentioning their name. Lets just say it rhymes with "pussygalore". I will not link to this blog since it is a sorry excuse for a porno blog sprinkled with email jokes. Original, yes? At least if we ever post email jokes we have a our own witty twists to them. I don't want to get into a blog war with this guys since they are highly ranked at Satopsites, undeservedly so if you ask me. Thus we need a name change!

Any suggestions? Leave us a comment and the best headline will win a prize.
Here are some good examples (or last minute ideas that sounded like good examples at the time):
"Cleavageism"
"The hollow visible between a woman’s breasts when a low-cut garment is worn" Friday.

C'mon, help a brotha out!

The greatest film of all time!

2006-08-17T09:10:00.000+02:00

I have been waiting for this my entire life...
No words can describe it, click to view

Test Drive

2006-08-16T12:35:00.000+02:00

I finally got a chance to test drive the new Civic. They still have a waiting list of two months for anybody looking to buy the damn thing. Its all good, I'm not rushing into the purchase at this moment in time.

My thoughts from the test drive: its different. From the way it looks to the orientation of the controls this is unlike any other Civic! Ever! Full stop! I use to own a '98 Ballade (known as the Civic Sedan everywhere else except in SA where we still kept the Ballade badge for some un-explainable reason) and I currently own a 2004 Civic, I've also had the opportunity of driving other/older Civic models. From my experience and in my opinion between 1980 and 2005 the interior orientation of the Civic's instumentation has remained relatively unchanged. Your indicators on the right, windscreen wipers on the left etc. The new Civic has gone and changed everything around. Its not a bad thing either. Everything is still in easy reach and ergonomically designed, but different from previous models. Nifty features include a digital instrumentation panel, climate control and full-house essentials (ie. airbags, traction control, ABS etc.) Blah blah blah, all in all it is an awesome car!

Performance wise, I was expecting a lot more bang from the ride. The Vtec growl is back but it lacks the awesome power that made the original Vtec's legendary. Don't get me wrong it's a zippy car with efficient torque at the lower rev's but you expect a bit more punch when you put your foot down. Maybe its the futuristic look of the car that gives an impression it should launch like a rocket. Or maybe its the fact that the salesman was 200kg over the NHO's morbid obesity levels and anything smaller than a Hemi V8 would struggle under the mass loads. He was a good salesman even though (in his words): "Sorry my English are not so good, I are from the Free State..." None the less, its a fantastic car that will get heads turning, considering there is a 2 month waiting list this is a car worth the wait. But if you can wait a year there's the little matter of ...

Greeks in disguise.

2006-08-16T12:10:00.000+02:00

It was not an accident.
I deleted my last two posts because they were crap.

Much like:

*cough*

I went to watch it on Sunday and to quote the Arctic Monkeys: "Don't believe the hype."
Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad movie, but I kind expected something better from the man that did Heat. His directing style stands out like GeO at modelling industry party (in the sense that he is ugly, and not handsome at all), but that's about it that really impressed me.

Something else that impressed me, was the fact that GeO made a post about the Transformers. And then he fucked it up by saying "mutating vehicles".

Transformers do not mutate.
They transform.
Hence the name.
Otherwise, they would be the Mutators.
You idiot.

It did however lead me to searching for the Transformers: The Movie (the 1986 animated version) dvd and low and behold, I found it on Amazon.co.uk.

I promptly bought it and I'm eagerly awaiting it's arrival. And no, GeO, I'm not letting you watch it. You can go buy The Mutators or 80's Pop Culture for Dummies or some shit and watch that.

Comin' atcha from the office where I have a complete and 100% sense of apathy for my job..

Later
Good Apollo?
Oh yeah, very Good.

You can take me to Funky Town, you can take me to...

2006-08-16T09:19:00.000+02:00

Sticking to the theme of the 80's here's a little clip I found of Mr T learning how to break dance. I may be imagining this but he doesn't catch on really fast, does he? Click on the pic below and it'll take you to the website with the clip.

After watching this I learned a lot. I learned that too much gold decoration affects your mental functioning, in a bad way. I also learned that I can make money off my robot dancing skills. If you want to learn how to dance the robot in a skilfull yet classy manner leave a comment, I'll get your details and I will be in contact with you to arrange a lesson. For a small fee of course. I will teach you how to become a human Transformer! A robot in disguise, if you will.

Go to this link now and be mesmerized by the amazing animated light pen. Its like being in the 80's with slow motion phtotgraphy and dark alley-ways...and no Mr T...Its like transforming your pen into a cartoon show...umm...I know this paragraph was leading somewhere, I just can't think of it right now...

End

Body Hits: Clash of the Supermodels!

2006-08-16T09:18:00.000+02:00

Right!

Last week ssometime I did the first post for our lady readers. It was about Heidi Klum designing and commercially releasing "The Body" a.k.a the most comfortable bra known to man...or make that women...It went a little something like this!

Well turns out that our Ms. Klum jumped the gun with the name for her new lingerie product as per the guys from Softpedia:

'Little did she know that such a statement like that would lead to such bitter exchange of remarks with another famous model who, in her turn, claims that she is 'The Body' and that the name rightfully belongs to her. Elle Macpherson (43) says that she has been known under that name when Heidi was still a child; therefore, she is the only one entitled to it.

'We saw that [the add for 'The Body' bra] and we were like "Oh, my God!". We were initially flabbergasted. We have numerous press clippings in the office referring to Elle as "The Body", a representative for the elder model said in response to Heidi's advertisement.

The PR also stated that Macpherson got the name when she first appeared on the 'Time Magazine cover, in 1986. And, because Heidi was only 13 at the time, it is pretty clear who is the rightful 'owner' of The Body:

'In terms of public record, the name belongs to Elle', Macpherson's publicist said. But the other side also has clippings to prove that Elle can't be the sole user of the nickname.

Actually, it all boils down to the fact that, unlike Heidi Klum, Elle Macpherson has been making good money using the nickname, by selling such products as the skincare line 'Elle Macpherson The Body' and the fitness videos'The Body Workout'.

Answer me this: "How in the hell did Heidi Klum, her entourage of personal assistants and advisors not notice that another well known supermodel was already cashing-in on her so called nickname!?!" GOSH!!!!

PhatSnatch 101

2006-08-14T15:25:00.000+02:00

Chekidy check yo self before you wreck yo self
Cause I'm bad for your health
I come real stealth...

Dsaa-yom! My rapping skills are ill dawg...and by "rapping skills" I actually mean searching the big G double O G-L-E for some Ice Cube lyrics...

Anyway..

As you all know, we here at The Phat are always trying to educate the masses. Coz you know a gangsta in the hood gots to know what's good... Yeah! All that and a bag of chips!

So I got thinking...Why not start the education on the one topic that everyone is talking about - PhatSnatch...Thus the heading: "PhatSnatch 101". I'm going to break it down for y'all real quick

Phat -

1. Cool
2. Pretty Hot And Tempting

Dude! That shit is phat!
Dude! That bitch is P.H.A.T!

Snatch -

1. Da female organ from which da lips are da gate to holy bliss.

Man, when I dream all I see is Snatch.

Get it? Got it? Dsa-yom good!

Back to the future

2006-08-14T13:48:00.000+02:00

Last week PhatBoi loan me the PS2 version of the Transformers game. This game has totally got me hooked in the world of Cybertron again! I remember how awesome the toys and the TV show were back in a time where mutating vehicles were the coolest thing since day-glo socks. Its a fun game if a little clumsy with its controls and levels difficulty, but I'm not going to get into that right now. What I would like to talk about is the modern day trend of remaking 80's television programmes. Check the webpage for the Transformers movie here. Looks flipping great, doesn't it?

Now turn your attention to this. A live-action version of Dallas! I say live-action because the acting on the original television series was about as sophisticated as a finger-puppet show made by my 4 year old niece. Which is not very sophisticated at all seeing as I don't have a 4 year old niece.

..........vs..........

I can already tell you the outcome of this doomed endevour. I'm foresighted like that. Larry Hagman will completely rip out Travolta's lifeless yellow heart. Nobody comeptes with the original JR Ewing! And when I say "nobody", I mean John Travolta is a has-been nobody who's career died after Pulp Fiction was released, as far as I'm concerned. Hagman was ruling Texas while smoking Cubanos and having sex with two rich chicks at the same time, while Travolta was wearing cheap polyester tuxedos and having sex with himself.

Next on the agenda is Miami Vice.

.........vs.........

A couple of posers VS trend-setting, no socks wearing, sports car driving, bad-ass 80's Demi-Gods!!! I have nothing further to say on the subject, my emotions run thick with nostalgia and memories of crimson Miami sunsets.

Next, we have Knight-Rider. I'm not going to discuss this since PhatBoi already posted this story here. Lets just say its going to be interesting and we'll leave it at that.

Magnum PI is next on my list of 80's remakes. I don't really remember what the TV show was about. I remember the 'stache, the ferrari and the dobermans. I also remember watching this show and wishing Miami Vice was on instead. I lie. I actually use to watch this show and wished Dynasty was showing rather.

Not much news on the Magnum PI movie either, all I can say it's still in the pre-production phases. How 'bout Magnum VS. Alexis...Huh huh?? The 'stache VS the original shoulder-padded reyaach beeyach!

There are a few more 80's TV show remakes in the pipeline that I cant quite remember but we'll get into that another time - the remakes that is, not my lack of memory.

Out of all these brain-dead rehashed ideas the one I'm really looking forward to is the Transformers movie. It'll probably turn out to be a dissapointing rehash just like the Ninja Turtles live action flick, but it will be a good trip down nostaligia lane. I can tell you one thing though, I'll be a happy blogger if anyone ever decides to make a real life version of Thundercats. Heck yeah!

Cleavage Friday

2006-08-11T09:59:00.000+02:00

There's no reason for me to do Cleavage Friday today seeing as PhatBoi did his own post of boobs and comfortable bras and stuff. I couldn't really read the post I was too distracted by the picture. Hmm, I've got some serious competition. No matter we're both in the same boat so "share the wealth" I always say.

The blog is looking good I have to say, we almost have the Phat restorted to its former glory. If only we could get 12 million hits a day then we'd be rolling in it. You want to know what "it" is - I dont know either, but we'll be rolling in...umm...it. Sort of like what Nicole Sione is doing in these photographs. (You see how everything fits neatly together in my posts. Every word has a purpose and every sentence is constructed for a common goal. I'm literate like that.) I just hope "it" is soft and moist and round and somewhat bouncy. If its not than we'll have to settle for only 11 million hits a day.

Right, PhatSnatch is looking mighty fine and we've got exciting plans for the future, watch this space. Sorry, not that space, this space. Thats better. Thanks to Good Apollo for getting our hopes up and then completely changing the blog to pink and leaving it like that. And thanks to PhatBoi for making the blog not pink anymore. Thanks to the office vegetarian for getting his boney ass fired so we wouldn't have to hear the neighbours dog's screeching yelp's anymore (he was overly-friendly with the neighbour's dog, if you know what I'm saying). And thanks to global warming for providing today's material for Cleavage Friday! Heck Yeah!!

Due to copyright infringements we have decided to remove the photographs of cleavage from this post. I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to Mr Chris Hartman for using his work without prior consent. I know what it feels like to have something you love stolen from you. I'm still searching for the schmuck that stole my lollipop 23 years ago. Dad if you're reading this...

Btw, go check out Chris's website here.

He's a really talented photographer who gets awesome cleavage shots. Don't fuck with him either, because he'll rip your balls off with a rusty wheel spanner!!! Other than that he's a really cool guy and I think he's the key to getting my hand modelling career off the ground. Mad props to Mr Hartman.

Something for ladies...at last!

2006-08-11T08:54:00.000+02:00

I realized this morning that we've never really posted something for the ladies that read The Phat. Well it's actually just Rox and GeO's mom that grace our blog pages with their female presence, but none the less.

No, this will not be a post with some half naked toss...I mean half naked men's underwear model striking a pose that closely resembles a mental midget taking a dump in his undies. Sort of like this dude over here. Oh No! This my lady friends is something much more worth your while...

I introduce to you - The most comfortable bra in the world by Heidi Klum a.k.a "The body!"

'She and Victoria's Secret are preparing for the launch of a new women's bra, called 'The Body', Heidi's nickname when she first started working with the renowned lingerie company. But, despite the model's fame for her gorgeous frame, Heidi says that the lingerie item is not going to be one of those unpractical and uncomfortable lace bras.'

'Now it's a big honor having a bra named after my nickname that people know in the business, "The Body". And this is probably one bra that every woman wants to have because it is so comfortable. It comes in eight different colors, it has no seams, no stitches. It is not the super sexy, lacy bra, but this is something functional that you want to have every day that is super comfortable and just great.'

So there you have it ladies. One comfortable, super sexy, super functional bra coming up.

And remember girls - You heard it first on The Phat!

Phantastic!

Failure, again

2006-08-10T10:12:00.000+02:00

I wrote the CCNA exam on Tuesday again. I failed again. I'm not going to bitch and moan this time, I've done enough of that here. I don't think there is much more I can actually do to pass this exam. I ran out of time again. I'm R1400 poorer again. I think I'll focus on Playstation 3 for the time being.

Ok, I said I wasn't going to moan.........
90 minutes is not long enough!!!! A 90 minute exam! Its sick! Its not humanly possible! Its not possible!

I'm done. Thank You

Monday again...or is it?

2006-08-10T09:37:00.000+02:00

When I walked into the office this morning it felt like Monday, but then I realized I was being a flipping shtoopit and that it's not Monday but actually Thursday! Even better - Tomorrow is Friday. Heck Yeah!

Public Holidays are the shizzle. In fact. There's nothing like a mid-week public holiday to totally screw up my perfectly good, weekly routine. And by "weekly routine" I mean, My mom bringing me Jungle Oats in bed every morning as I wake up to Cartoon Network. I hear you. It's the good life alright...Then again. It reminds me of that saying: "Change is as good as a public holiday."

On top of it being a ph, it was sunny, hot and generally all round summery and stuffs. It was the perfect chance to get a bit of Vitamin D on the ole twig and beans (if you know what I mean)

But for now it's pants on and back to work...What a shitty anti-climax to a mantastic public holiday...

Your life burns faster...Obey your master!

2006-08-07T09:22:00.000+02:00

Monday: Welcome to where time stands still. No one leaves and no one will.

I'm drinking filter coffee and listening to Metallica to ease my way into the seemingly endless misery that is the first day of the week. It may seem that I'm wasting my hate on such a petty, insignificant little thing, but believe me it's worth every ounce of hatred I have in me!

I hate Mondays. Bad things always happens on Mondays. Come to think of it. I broke the blog early on a Monday morning. See what I mean?!?! To tell you the truth. I was actually reluctant to post anything today in fear of breaking the blog AGAIN!I don't even want to think about what Good Apollo will do to GeO's genitals if I break the blog again. It's sad but true. We'll if you're reading this it means I didn't break the blog and GeO's genitals are still safe...for now.

Time to face "The thing that should not be" a.k.a Monday...

Likewise...

2006-08-07T09:15:00.000+02:00

I feel WWTDD's pain, I really do. We're on the same boat dude. Only reason I'm posting this is 'cause WWTDD has his commenting disabled...for the past 20 thousand years already!! Geez!

Phatsnatch is in full swing...almost.

2006-08-04T10:33:00.000+02:00

Thanx to the G-double-O-D Apollo our blog has almost been restored to it's former glory. As you can see by our hits, we're not number 200 00 0000 0000 on satopsites anymore. We're climbing the hits ladder one day at a time and enjoying every minute of it. Heck yeah!! Basically it's just a matter of Good Apollo's time before we're back in black and breaking it down... like James Brown...in Chinatown...yessss!

GeO. Now is the time to get your mom to do her best. Let's not forget that she's the one responsible for spreading The Phat word and getting us where we are today! Long live GeO's mom!!!

Dsa-yom! I'm so hyper the Energizer Bunny ain't got shit on me. Once!

Cleavage Friday

2006-08-04T09:36:00.000+02:00

Its all about cars and boobs, boobs and cars. What a shallow meaningless existance we live. And when i say "we" I mean "Good Apollo." Thats all I have to say.

As you can see I've been really lazy and just uploaded the pics without cropping them, I don't even have time to finish the story to this post. This is Natalie Oxley and I stole her from FHM.com. "How original" I hear you say. "Shutup!" I say.

Don't be a flipping shtoopit!

2006-08-03T10:53:00.000+02:00

You guessed it. There's a shtoopit person at our office that has been pissing me off lately. Well, not just me. It's everyone actually. When talking to this person you cant help but ask them these questions:

1. Did you trip and fall into a big, steaming pile of dumb-shit?
2. Did someone hit you with a stupid stick?
3. Did you have some STUPID with your cereal this morning?

GOSH!!!!

Shtoopit question, after shtoopit question, after shtoopit muhfuggin' question.Wait. There is no such thing as shtoopit questions. Only shtoopit people...I think you would agree.

Good Apollo prevails.

2006-08-02T17:37:00.000+02:00

Almost done fixing the blog.
I only got round to it today, because I was down with the sickness!

Anyways, hopefully no one is going to break it this time around.
In fact, every time I have to fix the blog from this point on, I'm going to be breaking a bone in GeO's body.

No, no that one. That one is too small to find, let alone break.

Anyways...

The big silver H

2006-08-01T11:37:00.000+02:00

You can tell its desperate times for blogs when you all we can post is stories on cars and boobs. I've already done a whole bunch of Cleavage Fridays so there is only one thing left for me to do. As the French like to say "I'm expanding my horizons" - something that my boss promised me with my job but all it turned out to be was shoveling more shit for the morons I work with. Thats a different story altogether...BTW if anybody out there is hiring, I'm available, I will shovel shit for payment in margarine.

Sheesh, talk about being side-tracked. Focus man, focus!! The topic of the day is I like the new Honda Civic. I went for a test drive last week but all the vehicles were sold out, even the demo models. I was upset they didn't have a demo model for me to play with. Apparently there's a 3 month waiting list. Dsa-yom! I haven't wanted anything so bad since PS2 was first released.

Here's what it looks like:

And here's what it looks like when you add a red Honda badge to it and tweak the engine a notch:

The Type-R is coming to SA! To quote Napoleon Dynamite "yesssss..." And its about flippin time they released this vehicle in this country.

Here's my plan - I'm going to buy the normal Civic and then I'll upgrade to the Type-R when its released here in 2007 (Our little secret: I had a better plan which invloved DeBeers, a hack saw, 20kilograms of prestik and Tara Reid, but I couldn't write about it otherwise that would've implicated me) - I'm cunning like that. I'm going to get the white one because typical Type-R Civic's were made white. Check the history of the machine here.
Check the spec's here. I'm going cry myself to sleep with anticipation until I get my claws on one of these. Heck yeah!

Phatsnatch just got knocked the fuck out...

2006-07-31T12:05:00.000+02:00

It's bad. Real bad (and i'm not talking about the pink blog formally known as phatsnatch). I did more damage than we initially thought. By screwing with the phat code of our phat blog, I screwed with the phat hits we were receiving. Now as a result of this, we're number 200 or so on the satopsites directory. What a dark...dark day for the Phat.

I'm sorry guys. I fixed it now. Let's hope it stays that way. Fixed I mean...

Enough said...

2006-07-31T10:25:00.000+02:00

official info here

Eurika!!!

2006-07-28T16:40:00.000+02:00

Finally. The reason I haven't been able to fix the blog...

Ps. If you wre wondering...I'm the guy in the picture above...mmkay?

Good Apollo is working his magic!

2006-07-28T15:17:00.000+02:00

Yes, we know the blog is pink. We know it's scary(in a homo kind of way). But it's part of the phat process of restoring this phat blog to it's phat phormer glory. Dsaa-yom that's a lot of phat in one sentence. In fact. I bet that was just the phatest sentence ever!!!

Anyway. Please don't be alarmed, and if you are - take Good Apollo's advice: "Run outside and punch yourself "

Ok pumpkin??

Back to the (Lance) Bass(ics).

2006-07-28T15:14:00.000+02:00

Yes, the blog is pink until I've fixed it.
My reasoning for this is as follows:

1. To celebrate Lance Bass falling out of the big gay closet.
2. GeO wears a lot of pink so it's to celebrate his wardrobe. He is also very good friends with Lance Bass.
3. I thought it would be kinda funny. Even if it's just funny to me.

Am I the only person that didn't enjoy Finding Nemo? Dang.

Gay gay, it's Friday!

2006-07-28T14:04:00.000+02:00

Ok, so in conjunction with my last post, I've decided to take a look at what's on at the movies this weekend and give a short review on what's showing.

Also, in conjuction with my last post, GeO is still a mommy's boy and a homo..

Lance Bass from 'Nsync comes out of the closet.

Geez.
Didn't see that one coming. Big surprise.

....

Anyways...

Ok, so I've waited about 10mins for Ster Kinekor's site to open. You know, ever since they've redone it, it's been a bit shit. Very sluggish. And this is on broadband. If you're a poor struggling musician like myself, chances are that you still use a dial up connection at home. Not your own home, your mom's. Because you still live there.

It is now 14:15. I'm going to look up Ster Kinekor's website in both IE and Firefox and see how long it takes for the page to open completely.

In the meantime, I'll use Nu Metro. Under protest, because their brand colours are kinda gay. Like that guy ^^. And GeO.

Hmm, Nu Metro opens immediately.
Anyways, for sake of comparison (if Ster Kinekor's site opens before Doomsday) I'm going to use Bedford for a venue.

(* please note that I have not seen all of these movies, but I will give my opinion anyway based on the actors and storyline)

16 Blocks
Stars Bruce Willis, David Morse and Mos Def. I've seen it and I enjoyed it. I guess it has been done many a time before, washed up cop trying to do a last good deed, but formula does work sometime. I enjoyed Mos Def's character, although I couldn't quite make out what he was saying a few times. And I wasn't hungover. No, really.

Cars
Well, has to be better than Finding Nemo?

Over The Hedge
Well, has to be better than Finding Nemo?

Poseidon
Was boring originally, will probably be boring again.

Superman Returns
A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
Probably the best movie you'll see this year. It even has the original intro font and music. Go watch it, or punch yourself. There are no other options.

Take The Lead
"The real story of a dance teacher who believed in the talent of a group of problem kids."
You're shitting me, right?
Sounds like a ponced up version of Dangerous Minds.
Oh and starring Antonio Banderas. I believe his best role to date is still that of Puss in Boots in Shrek 2.

The Break Up
"After Brooke (Aniston) calls it quits with her boyfriend Gary (Vaughn), neither person is willing to move out of the condo they share. Taking the advice of their repsective friends and confidants (and a few total strangers), they both engage in mental warfare designed to force the other person to flee the premises -- until they both realize they might be fighting to keep their relationship alive."
Now, I'm no expert on relationships, but isn't the first thing you want to do after breaking up with someone is to get the hell away from them?

**** Oh, it's now 14:29 and the SK website has timed out in Firefox. Go IE!

A house can't possibly be that cool. I'm going to say it's shit on the premise of the cast too.

The Lake House
I like Sandra Bullock and I like Keanu Reeves too. And I have forgiven him for the bare ass shot in the Matrix 2: Trainwreck. Not to be mistaken with the Matrix 3: Jump Up My Ass. I'll wait for it on DVD.

The Sentinel
This actually looks like it could be entertaining. Ye olde spy story.
Starring Michael Douglas, Eva Longoria Kim Basinger and Kiefer Sutherland.
I like Kiefer. Not because he kinda looks like Ross from Prime Circle, but I really enjoyed his character in 24.

**** 14:36 and still no loaded Ster Kinekor website.

I will be spending some time over the weekend fixing PhatBoi's fucku.. oopsie that he had with the blog. Hopefully I'll have it sorted before Monday.
If it's not, just assume that I probably drank way too much and ended up passed out in my socks and a Led Zeppelin tshirt in the middle of my kitchen.

My mom's kitchen.

Cleavage Friday

2006-07-28T09:03:00.000+02:00

Do you ever get those days where you feel like you've experienced the same thing somewhere else before? Deja Vu? I'm sure I've done a Cleavage Friday (previously known as COTW) of Elsa Pataky before, and I'm sure I got the pics from Maxim Online as well. And I'm quite sure Elsa was doing the same thing to my manaconda as she is doing to that snake in these photos a while ago. Regardless, we get a lot a material from Maxim Online I can't see why anybody bothers visiting our blog when they can get the phatest cleavage direct from the source. Completely cut out the middleman. And since our blog is currently a steaming pile of dismembered animal excrement I cant see a reason why anyone would still...What the Jesus am I saying!! The blog being broken is just a temporary setback. Good Apollo lives!!!!

And if he does go back to the mass-grave he unexpectedly crawled out from to post yesterday's...umm...post we still have Rox who has oh so kindly offered to help a brudda out. Fanx Rox. We have friends in high places, Rox is ranked at least 20th in the SA Topsites blog category. I'm network-skilled like that.

So until PhatSnatch is 100% fully operational again here's some butt cleavage to keep our angry masses calm. It's not Elsa Pattycakes but she'll do fine. Heck yeah!

I don't believe it.

2006-07-27T15:44:00.000+02:00

I go away for a month or two, and these two idiots ruin my hard work.
I know it was Phatboi that did the breaking, but the other one is included because he's from Grease.

In fact, they fcked it up so badly, I couldn't even upload an image! In the blogspot backend! It takes a certain kind of special to do that...
Luckily I'm just in time to save the day! Sounds a lot like the job this guy does..

If you haven't seen Superman Returns, run outside and punch yourself in the face. NOW.
And if your name is Gary and you're a vegetable, do it as well. For good measure.

The G to the O to the O to the D Apollo! Kick it!

Posting for the sake of saying nothing

2006-07-27T10:08:00.000+02:00

I haven't posted anything in years. I'm beginning to think the only thing I'm really good for is Cleavage Of The Week (or Cleavage Friday as its now known as). But that's not a bad thing now is it? Truth be told I haven't had any inspiration, what with the blog being broken and all. I mean PhatBoi has tried everything in his power to fix the thing but he's no Good Apollo. Maybe this is the beggining of the end. Maybe it was never meant to be.

Thanks to our new best fan Rox for her support during our time of need. But maybe its just better this way. Its becoming a slow painful death for a once great blog, a greater man would have handled this with more dignity, sort of like Beard Man in the pic on the left. I imagine him screaming like a 4 year old blonde girl with freckles. I know his pain. I sort of know the Fat Chick's pain as well. She's wearing a yellow t-shirt and has legs the size of Derek Watts. Yes.

Thats about it. Can't wait for Cleavage Friday, it'll probably be the last one we ever have.

The innocent days of comics...hmmm???

2006-07-26T08:29:00.000+02:00

Thanx to my knee-grow Reg for this one. Respect!

HTM HELL...

2006-07-24T17:28:00.000+02:00

To spite my bestest of my best efforts I couldn't manage to restore The Phat to it's former glory. "This is a fuck".Turns out Good Apollo (who designed the layout originally) is a lot smarter than I thought he is. Respect! Also turns out I'm a lot dumber than I though I was...Shit!

Before I fucked up the code of the phatest blog around I didn't know anything about HTML. Now a mere 9 hours later. I have become the all knowing all seeing god of html...I WISH!!!!

Let me put it this way. HTML is the kryptonite to my Superman, the fly in my drink, the piss on battery...I think you know where I'm going with this.

But, tomorrow is another day. HTML may have won the battle but it hasn't won the war...yet. I'm going HML studying tonight. Yessss!!! And tomorrow (or the day after, or the day after that) you will see the wonder of my ill skills in HTML.

PhatBoi out.

I raped Phatsnatch in the ass...my apologies to all

2006-07-24T10:44:00.000+02:00

Sorry guys. The blog looks like a piece of shit once again. Why? Coz I fucked up...Big time. I'm busy fixing it, so until then - sit back, relax and prey...please prey for me to get this catastrophy fixed COZ I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!

Please be patient. Thank you

Good Apollo this is PhatBoi. I desperately need your help. Good Apollo! Come in Good Apollo!

Houston! We have a problem...

Testing 1..2..3

2006-07-24T08:55:00.000+02:00

This is a test post coz I fucked up the code about 5 minutes ago and I don't think it's working...

Playlistism....

2006-07-21T15:41:00.000+02:00

Playlistism:

Discrimination based not on race, gender, or religion, but rather on a disturbingly horrible [iTunes] music library discovered through a school or job network.

Refers to the "shared music" feature available on iTunes in which one can browse the various music libraries of the co-workers or classmates in the network. Often requires awkward explanation of why you have "that song."

Mike accused me of playlistism when I questioned his collection of Color Me Badd [b-side]s.

More cool words for you to learn over here

Fantastic Four getting even more fantastic!

2006-07-21T14:43:00.000+02:00

"What is this all about?" I hear you say.

Well let me enlighten you's...This my beloved readers (and GeO's mom) is what you can expect from next years Fantastic 4 sequel! That's right! The Silver Surfer baby! Can I get a "HELL-YEAH!! DSAA-YOM!!!" I love the silver Surfer in the most non-homosexual way possible. Together with his trusty board and the power cosmic he can just about kick everyone's ass... at the same time.

"The Silver Surfer wields "the power cosmic," absorbing and manipulating the universe's ambient cosmic energies. He can augment his strength to incalculable levels, and is almost totally indestructible. He can navigate space, hyperspace and dimensional barriers, and can fly at near-limitless speeds on his board, entering hyperspace when he exceeds light speed."

This is what MARVEL has to say:

"Surf into a Sequel

You may have caught the wave of exciting news about the upcoming Fantastic Four sequel. In case you haven't gotten your head above water, the announcement is that the Sentinel of the Spaceways will be joining Marvel Comics' first family in the sequel to the 2005 blockbuster, expected in theaters in Summer of 2007 . . . In other words, it's official, the Silver Surfer will appear in the Fantastic Four sequel!

The cast of the original Four will be returning, with Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic, Michael Chiklis as the beloved blue-eyed Thing, Chris Evans as the fiery Human Torch, and the even hotter Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman. Keep your radars scanning for more cosmic buzz on the super-powered sequel expected to hit the screens next summer."

I'm so excited. I can't hide it! Those are lyrics from a song I've never heard before in my life. I swear. mmkay?

An-ee-hoo

More about the most awesome Marvel character here.

And remember kids... You heard it first on The Phat!

Cleavage Friday

2006-07-21T12:53:00.000+02:00

As you can see we've changed the name of our weekly homage to all things round and bouncy to "Cleavage Friday." This is because all other goddam blogs stole our hacronym! That being COTW. We are on the cutting edge of naming our posts. Because I'm skilled like that.

This is Gisele Bundchen - I think thats how her name is spelt. Sorry, I dont speak Brazilian. Pretty much the only thing thats making me happy today is staring at her Phat breasts and her neat little tan line. I'm in a highly somber mood today, I dont know if cleavage is the answer. I think, let me rephrase that, I KNOW that once i find a new line of career I will be a happier man. I feel like faking a heart attack right now. To get the sick leave from work, also to get the opportyunity to sue the bastards for harmful workplace environment damage...or something along those lines, I dont know the legal terminology for it, I dont speak Brazilian remember.
Goddam I hate my job. I like the free internet access it provides me, but I still hate my job.

Not really COTW

2006-07-19T12:23:00.000+02:00

PhatBoi has made so many posts today, it makes me feel slightly inadequate. So I'm going to do what I do best. I'm going to post pictures of boobs. Not just any boobs, but Christina Aguilera's boobs. That's right, check out this link for almost naked Christina breasts. Tell me what you think, because I was expecting so much more. Honestly, those things hang like over-filled water balloons. It reminds me of my primary school days when we use to take field trips to animal farms, and the farmer use to tug on those gigantic over-ripe cow udders, and he would fill a bucket full of warm cow fluid, and he would offer us to sip the milk, and then he'd spray us with the teet, and then we'd drink the milk, and the next day I would shit yellow fluid until my stomach collapsed. I wouldn't like to taste Christina's cow fluid.

I must apologise to Attu. I totally stole this post from him...I'm skilled like that. I must also apologise to the office coffee lady for downing all the filter coffee...I'm hyper like that.

Lazy asshole???

2006-07-19T10:19:00.000+02:00

Shweet ride for my knee-grows!!!

2006-07-19T09:08:00.000+02:00

This little b-e-a-uty of a car is the latest release in the VW Polo series. It's basically a GTI (Dsaa-yom I live that word) Polo on horse steroids - the kind they use on race horses...Yeah!

It goes by the name of: Polo GTI - "Cup Edition" and its basically the Polo of the junior racing series with a license to kill...I mean a license for the road...Nice!!!

Apart from the obvious external differences (that are very easy on the eye) this baby is a whole different animal under the hood. Here's a rundown of the Polo walking the talk in the hood:

" The turbocharged five-valve four-cylinder engine has had its performance boosted to produce 132 kW (180 PS) from 1.8 litres and a maximum torque of 235 newton meters, already available at 2000 rpm. That puts the Polo GTI at the top of its segment Â and makes it a dynamic thrill to drive. Not surprising with a power-weight ratio of just 6.6 kilograms per PS!

This engine propels the fastest Polo of all time to a maximum speed of 225 km/h and the "Cup Edition" accelerates from a zero to 100 km/h in only 7.5 seconds. "

The only shit thing about this engineering wonder is that it won't be released in sunny South Africa. WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!
Here at home we'll have to settle for the standard 110kw GTI due for release late August or early September 2006. Can't wait!

perfomance info here
pics all the way over here

Mo and Good Apollo don't like The Phat...

2006-07-18T15:52:00.000+02:00

Well it's official.

Phatsnatch is not worthy of having more than two bloggers at the same time. It's been proven over and over again... It all started with Good Apollo. We invited him to share his corrupt and very, very dark comedic genius with the rest of the world via a young blog known as phatsnatch. Because, frankly, we like the guy. It started out good and we had high hopes for him.

But it turns out that the feeling wasn't mutual.after finishing the design of the blog, he disappeared. He's not returning any of my phone calls. He doesn't write, he doesn't send flowers. Nothing! He has thrown phatsnatch to the dawgs...

Enter Mo.

When I heard that Mo's was ending his blog - HAM. We were pleasantly surprised. Because, frankly, we like the guy...well his blog anyway. I invited Mo to join our blog and contribute his ideas and thoughts to our growing project - PhatSnatch. He accepted. He got off to a slow start in the posting area, but we gave him time to settle in.

Only to come across THIS -> "Yes. Its true. I started a new site

http://www.entersite.co.za/

The blogs can be accessed via the menu, or

http://blog.entersite.co.za/

ENJOY PEOPLE!"

Can it be? Is it true that Mo has abandoned The Phat to work on his own site once again? Yes it's true. Phatsnatch is a two blogger atte same time kind of blog....

ps. good luck with the new site Mo...

The day I discovered Firefox

2006-07-18T15:16:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I installed the Firefox web browser. Its the greatest thing thats happened to me since 1985 when I first discovered He-Man. And when I say He-Man I refer to the cartoon series of the 1980's and not a man of the gaylord persuasion. I recommend everybody install this app, go here to download it for free if you want to browse with a happy ending...every time.

I know, this app has been around for a long time. And I do work in the "internet" industry and I should've known about it sooner. Lets just say I had more important things to do than to look for new web browsers, mmkay. Look at their logo. Why would you not want to install this on your machine? Its like a fox and he's 'around' the world and his tail is made of flames (flames of destruction I bet) and if you look close enough it looks like he has a sly little grin. Because he's a fox he's very sly, hence the saying "sly like a fox." You want more boobs dont you?

A serious case of the Mondays

2006-07-17T07:44:00.000+02:00

Yup. I've got a serious case of the Mondays!

Someone once told me that Monday is what Sunday threw up. I think that someone might just have been the crack-whore that used to hang out at our local cafe trying to sell herself off to the young schoolboys who came to play "wonderboy" on the 20c arcade machines. Eeuuughhh!!!

Come to think of it - She actually reminds me a bit of Courtney Love. Double Eeuuughhh!!! Anyway, I don't really remember if that little piece of advice came from her or not, but it doesn't really matter. What does matter though, is that I think she was right, cos it's Monday today and Mondays just can't pass by quick enough...

Know what I'm sayin knee-grow?!?!

Cleavage of the week

2006-07-14T10:00:00.000+02:00

I dont know why I call these posts Cleavage of the Week. It should be called "Clevages of the Week" since I give our readers so much of boob. This is Krystan or is that Krysten? I don't know. She's not famous yet. But if she asks me really, really nicely I might just consider making her famous. I'm generous like that.

Filter Coffee is the shizzle!

2006-07-14T09:19:00.000+02:00

There's only one thing better than having filter coffee in the middle of the night, and that's having filter coffee first thing in the morning.Yeah!

This morning when I came into the office I had high hopes for posting good shit,but a lass. My feverish spontaneity came to a grinding halt when I actually started thinking about what to post.

I got to talking with my knee-grow GeO and it turned out he had the same problem as me. Then it hit him. Sort of like when you get hit by a bus....twice. And that bus is a 200Kg giant that dresses funny and likes the smell of freshly cut flowers in the spring...Wait. Where was I going with this...

Any-hoo! GeO gave me the answer to the problem I was facing and it went a little something like this - "I'm too stupid to post something this early".
That is, until you've had your daily dose of filter coffee.And because of this one little cup of Ethiopian heaven I'm as hyper as a mofo...

Some coffee facts that's not so interesting, but which I know you'll read anyway:

- Coffee is the second most ccommonly traded commodity in the world (measured by monetary volume), trailing only petroleum.

- In total, 6.7 million tonnes of coffee were produced annually in 1998-2000, forecast to rise to 7 million tonnes annually by 2010

- Dsaayom that's a lot of coffee!!!

Coffee facts brought to you by Phatsnatch.blogspot.com with the help of wikidi wik Wikipe dia

Birds. Go figure...

2006-07-14T07:31:00.000+02:00

Thanx to Ant for this one. Yeah!

Good Apollo's mom

2006-07-13T09:47:00.000+02:00

Most of you have heard of our MIA friend Good Apollo but you've never actually witnessed any of his posts. Yes he is a real person and he is not a figment of the Phat's imagination. Good Apollo used to be one of our best contributor's in the beginning. Smart, witty and charming. We miss him. But I miss his Mom even more.

Normally I wouldn't write a post like this since Good Apollo is a bear of a man with a beard and gigantic claw-like hands. He could crush me in one fell swoop. Its a good thing he doesn't visit this blog then, isn't it?

Anyways, I wrote this little song about Good Apollo's mom (sung to the tune of Stacey's Mom by The Fountains of Wayne):

Good Apollo do you remember when I mowed your lawn
Your mom came out with just a towel on
I could tell she liked me from the way she stared
And the way she said you missed a spot over there

I know you think it's just a fantasy
But since your dad walked out
Your mom could use a guy like me

Good Apollo's mom has got it going on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long
Good Apollo's mom has got it going on

I didn't actually write this song, all I did was change "Stacey" to "Good Apollo" - I'm skilled like that. I needed to take a dig at Good Apollo, hopefully this will get him angry enough to post something...someday.

I just got my ass handed to me! Again!

2006-07-11T17:12:00.000+02:00

I got this in my inbox today. Sometimes I just love the assholes I work with... That means you PhatBoi!

Free advertising...NOT!!!!!!

2006-07-11T14:23:00.000+02:00

"Great blog. please check out my site "Make Money Online" and let me know what you think of it. cheers" is what some anonymous blogger commented on my "Totally pissed off!" post I did a couple of months ago. Obviously the above site name was hyperlinked to the respective website but I removed it. I removed it because its my (and Geo's and Good Apoolo's and Mo's) blog and I can be an asshole about the whole thing if I want to.There! Happy?

I'm gonna try and say this in as nice a way possible:"DON'T EXPECT PHATSNATCH TO ADVERTISE YOUR SHIT BY PULLING A CHEAP ONE!"

Dear. Mr or Mrs or Ms. Anonymous.

By reading my "Totally pissed off!" post you should have gathered that I hate free loaders.

"There are few things in this world that piss me off as much a free loader. Yes a free loader. The type of person that's like a blood sucking, bacteria infested, parasitical leech. They just latch on to you in hope that they can get some sort of freebie..."

So why in the hell did you think I would post your free advertising comment to my post? I don't even know who you are for crying out loud! Were you hoping that the other three people reading this damn blog would also click on your link? It's people like you that get bloggers like me to disable the "allow anonymous comments" on their blogs FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

By doing this post, I probably pissed you off. And you probably want to tie me to a chair and shoot me in the knee caps and armpits for saying what I just said. But I don't care! Its all your fault that I'm in such a foul mood in the first place!!!

Oh and btw... thanx for visiting Phatsnatch and makin an effort to leave a comment :)

love Phatboi =)

I just got my ass handed to me!

2006-07-11T11:17:00.000+02:00

I run the risk of getting PhatBoi angry again, but I don't care, he's Afrikaans he deserves it. I'm going to post about my CCNA...again. I wrote the certification exam yesterday and quite frankly I got my ass handed to me by that test! Kind of like what this strapping gentleman is doing to that ladies pearly white buttocks, except with a larger stick and with a hairier asshole.

I swear to God that was the single most difficult exam I have ever written. Ever. And I've written a lot of exams in my life. Its not the fact that I didn't know the theory (which I did), its not the fact that I didn't know the practical application (which I did because I knows my shit) its the fact that the exam is 90 minutes long and there are 56 sections in total. Not questions but sections. Certain sections had upto 5 seperate questions. So assuming each section had one question that would leave approximately 1.6 minutes to answer each section. It took me about 2minutes to finish reading the questions before I got around to even imagining how to answer the section. This is a fuck!

I just ran out of time. Thats all there is to it. I just ran out of time. It was too goddamn long and too goddamn involving for the time frame that they set to actually finish all the sections with a meaningful result. I'm at a loss and I'm R1400 poorer for it. I cant write this exam again, I'm going to lose my mind. Is there anybody out there that is willing to sell me their certification?! I'm desperate!

Troubleshooting for end (l)users...

2006-07-10T08:48:00.000+02:00

This is a flowchart that needs to be attached to all ISP subscription forms. This chart is an absolute necessity for all end(l)users.

To all end (l)users:

- The above flow chart is to be studied and obeyed at all times.

- It should be followed and read intensely before you even think about phoning tech support.

- If you have read and fully understand the flow chart and you still have a problem, don't

make your problem ours. Read the chart again.

This message was proudly brought you by TTDGAF
(Techies That Don't Give A Fuck)

Square root of 25

2006-07-07T17:50:00.000+02:00

And who said beauty queen contestants were dumb?

Cleavage of the week

2006-07-07T15:10:00.000+02:00

I've got nothing for this weeks COTW. Seriously, absolutely no material at all! I dont know who this chick is, apart from the obvious that her name is Jenn but thats probably just her screen name for when she's jumping on polony logs in those movies about massages with happy endings. I'll bet she'll love you long time, or until you get your 5 dollars worths. If you know what I'm saying, and I think you do.

Speaking of classy women here's some more cleavage courtesy of Joy (Jaime Pressly) from "My Name is Earl." I'm such a generous guy!

Thanks to maximonline.com for allowing us to share the wealth

I kicked blogger's ass!

2006-07-07T11:31:00.000+02:00

It took me half an hour and about 20 tries to get the image of the previous post uploaded. Upload, re-upload, save as draft, edit, re-edit,save as draft again, re-post. Holy shit! So much of effort for such a little job! But I did it. And there you have it - James Brown in all his glory... The shit that I go through for you people!!!

Ps. This image uploaded straight away...Go figure. But such is life..and blogging.

Get down like James Brown...or not.

2006-07-07T11:01:00.000+02:00

James Brown don't take no attitude from no beee-yatches!!!

The singer responded to his former wives' accusations that he is a violent husband and a batterer, by simply adding that all the problems were a direct result of his wives' not knowing and respecting the rightful place that the Bible has assigned to them. He [Brown] is not guilty of any crime: 'once I've taken care of her like a queen, I'm not going to go along with so much'.

Brown's police record is one of the longest rap sheets in the industry; his encounters with the law began as early as when he was 16 and continued until the present moment. He has been jailed several times, charges ranging from shotgun incident, assault, gunpoint rape, possession of illegal substances and domestic violence and battery. He certainly is the man to control women!

I think all that freaky dancing and hair gel went to the poor guy's head.
James brown - Pimpalicous lady beater or just your average everyday domesticated street thug. Either way, you gotta hand it to the man. Using The Bible as an excuse to give your lady a PK does take some guts. But look at it this way. His wife or ex-wife can be glad that he didn't pull out the double barrel and gave her a new hole to breathe through... DSAAYOM!!!

more news at softpedia

Competitive advertising at its best

2006-07-06T12:26:00.000+02:00

This is a fine example of competitive advertising if I ever did see one. Its great to watch commercial feud like this! Remember the good old days (the 80's to be exact) when Pepsi and Coke use to rip each other to shreds in every aspect of their advertising? Those were the glory days alright. I truly hope this feud gets escalated to epic proportions. I hope Audi makes the BMW executives go to bed at night with tears of humiliation. My point is BMW drivers are a bunch of wankers and I am NOT generalising. Its a well-known fact that all (and a when I say "all" I mean everyone of those Goddamn self-righteous mother bitches) BMW owner's have an inferiority complex because they most likely had their penis's chewed off by a chihuahua as children (female BMW drivers included, since if you are female and you drive a BMW you probably had a finger-sized winky at birth). So somebody needs to put them in their place and I'm backing Audi on this all the way.

So what say you - RS4 or M5...?

I had a brilliant post written and I just lost it...fuck

2006-07-06T08:51:00.000+02:00

Blogger is great... Except when I have a killer post written and it totally fucks out with no warning what so ever and I loose all my work. I bet everyone who has a ".blogspot.com" blog has had this happened to them at least once.Not so nice is it? And the thing is that you can't write the same post all over again coz it will never be the same.It's a moment thing.

Take me for instance. I write the best posts when I'm pissed-off about something. In a moment of total animalistic rage I channel my anger into a post and create something marvelous... ok not marvelous, but its a hell lot better than my normal posts (I think you'll agree).

So thanx to blogger - Instead of you pissing yourselves while reading my most brilliant post to date. You're stuck reading a post about me getting my superman onderbroek all in a bunch...

I think I've said enough...

ps. always remeber - save your post at least once every 5 minutes. This way it will take you 1 hour to write a 2 paragraph post but hey, at least you wont loose your work, right?

Fuckin CCNA

2006-07-05T08:44:00.000+02:00

Holy shit! I have never, and I mean NEVER heard anyone go on about the whole CCNA thing the way GeO has the last couple of weeks! I swear Noah wasn't even this bad when he had to build his freakin ark!

Let me put it this way. If GeO was building the ark. He'd rant and rave about it so much that he would've either - a. chased the poor animals away. b. been murdered by his wife or c. been stoned to death. Seeing that there are no animals nearby and that GeO is not married we're only left with option - c. But stoning someone has always been such a messy affair. so I have come up with an alternative, and it's a good one - even if I do say so myself...

Yes GeO. I hope you're reading this! One more word about this "CCNA certificate" of yours and I'm going to tie you up, gag you and throw you in the fucking river! Got that? Comprende senior?

GOOD!!!!!!

I love you guys!

2006-07-04T15:36:00.000+02:00

I'm doing this post only because I know my adoring public have missed me! I could not be posting anything for the past week since I've been too busy. Thats right I do have better things to do...no, no I don't actually...You know how I always say my job destroys my soul? Well this week my soul was resurrected only to be stomped, crushed and driven over relentlessly by my job. So here is a whole bunch of ill shit for you to enjoy while I stare at my CCNA text books again.

Spiderman3 Trailer Here.
"Robots in Disguise" Trailer Here.
Wet Cleavage Here.
Stupid Addictive Goddamn Game Here.
My Soul Here.

Cleavage of the week

2006-07-04T08:25:00.000+02:00

I've been a bad blogger. I haven't had a decent post in about 2 years and I completely ignored posting the COTW last week. I have neglected my blogging duties. I apologise to all our loyal readers, all two of them, for my lack of performance of late. Its not that I dont want to post its just that PhatBoi makes so many comments about my mom I get too scared to post anything. But its all good in the hood, his words can't hurt me. So please forgive me, here is some fantastic cleavage to calm the masses. So you assholes better chill it out before PhatBoi freaks your groove.

Btw, I stole the goods from Maxim Online and this is Cinthia Moura, but you already knew that didn't you.

Umm....

2006-06-27T17:06:00.000+02:00

Not to be all up-on-my-high-chair about the whole thing. But I believe that where I'm from, you'll get your ass kicked for wearing a shirt like this.
This shirt just screams "Punch my fuckin face in...Please!"

Talking about t-shirts...

2006-06-27T16:36:00.000+02:00

The office idiot,

Every company has one. The guy that doesn't get a long with anyone. The guy that constantly gets ripped off about everything from his weight to his dog to his eating habits. He thinks he's everybody's friend, but he's not. That's why he's the office idiot. He just can't get the fuckin hint that you don't want to be bothered with petty shit every 5 minutes damn-it!!!
Its like: "Dude, help me with this. Dude, help me with that."

Don't you understand that I'm going to loose my freakin mind!?!

Anyway, from now on I'm wearing this t-shirt whenever the office idiot is around.

Mad Cow

2006-06-27T13:52:00.000+02:00

I've got nothing. Sorry

Phatsnatch sucks balls...

2006-06-27T11:24:00.000+02:00

We haven't been posting. I know that, you know that, but GeO doesn't. Why does GeO not know? Not because he's a flipping shtoopit. Oh No. It's because he is a CCNA poezef. Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against anyone with a CCNA diploma/degree or anything like that. I only have something against GeO. Cos he dropped me in a kak ocean without a paddle. See, since he's not at the office I have to do his kak job and my kak job all at the same time...Which leaves no room for blogging and really pisses me off.

So sorry guys and GeO's mom. Me not blogging...or rather no new posts on the Phat is directly linked to GeO being an a-hole. I hate that guy... SHMUCK!

My Virgin Post

2006-06-26T13:34:00.000+02:00

So after this post, I can officially say, that I am no longer a virgin poster here at phat. So without further delay, I present you with my new shirt. I bought it with the R200 note you guys gave me. Like it?

So I blow my load, and spread the seeds of love!

Thanx. Its good to be home. Lets all have a smoke

Cleavage of the week

2006-06-23T14:03:00.000+02:00

I had to post this COTW. This blog is one of the few things thats keeping me sane at this point in my life. It truly feels like I'm losing my mind. For our readers who don't already know (and I know most of you visit the blog just for boobs and avoid the writing in between) I'm studying for my CCNA. My thoughts have lately been in 1's and 0's and routing tables from hell! This is nothing like studying during my varsity days, I haven't had a single shot of whiskey during any of my study sessions! Only one thing has been keeping me from drinking copious amounts of liquor and that is work, or as I like to call it "the soul-mutilator." Lets get this straight, the office is absolutely nothing like my old day house, the directors can't appreciate single malt liquor like I do! Ooooh, I brought a bottle of Chivas to the support office! Ooooh, I spilt some booze on the purple couch! Ooooh, I didn't answer any of my calls! Ooooh, I took a fat dump in the board room and smeared it all over the director's family photos and then I set fire to the plaque with the company motto. So what. Big deal.

But you don't give a shit about me.
Here's a hot link for Adriana Karembeu

Well look what the phat-cat dragged in

2006-06-22T16:19:00.000+02:00

It is my great pleasure to fondle your sis...I mean to introduce to you (our faithful readers) a new member of The Phat.

You might recognize our new addition from other blogs and sites such as HAM and rhapsodylive.co.za. He might've even paid your mom a visit or two. Yes. It's the one and only....

motheho a.k.a Mo

When GeO and I heard that Mo was going to slit Ham.co.za's throat and throw it to the dawgs, we thought we'd play recruit-the-blogger and we invited him to join our most mantastic pimp-a-liscious blog. Mo, being the superdooper-guy that he is, accepted our invitation and the rest as they say is... not important.

Mo.
To show our appreciation and gratitude for joining our blog. We decided to give you a little sign-on bonus. No, not a free back massage from VhailorZ you flipping shtoopit. Something much better!!!

SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

go crazy, but don't spend it all at once! remember always read the fine print..

your soul has now been sold to the devil for all eternity...sucker

PhatSnatch

What has been seen....

The whole comment thing!

Change...

It's been a while...

SA Blog Awards Time

Sweet Ride!

Well lookey lookey here!

Phat Female Friday

I'm Back Large And Oh So Very Much In Charge

I.T vs. Prostitution

Snotnose Monday!

Phat Female Friday

I.T vs. Management

Who's house? My house.

Phat Female Friday

Phatsnatch Office lingo 101

Phat Female Friday

It's been a while...

Phat Female Friday

Phat Female Friday

Keeping with the Dilbert thing...

Dilbert Again

Phat Female Friday

Lassie's Revenge

Greener Pastures.

Phat Female Friday

Transformer's Movie...Again

Phat Female Friday

VICTORY

It's Official!

The anger within...

I weep

Treats for the G(r)eek

Everybody look at me, me.

...

The greatest film of all time!

Test Drive

Greeks in disguise.

You can take me to Funky Town, you can take me to...

Body Hits: Clash of the Supermodels!

PhatSnatch 101

Back to the future

Cleavage Friday

Something for ladies...at last!

Failure, again

Monday again...or is it?

Your life burns faster...Obey your master!

Likewise...

Phatsnatch is in full swing...almost.

Cleavage Friday

Don't be a flipping shtoopit!

Good Apollo prevails.

The big silver H

Phatsnatch just got knocked the fuck out...

Enough said...

Eurika!!!

Good Apollo is working his magic!

Back to the (Lance) Bass(ics).

Gay gay, it's Friday!

Cleavage Friday

I don't believe it.

Posting for the sake of saying nothing

The innocent days of comics...hmmm???

HTM HELL...

I raped Phatsnatch in the ass...my apologies to all

Testing 1..2..3

Playlistism....

Fantastic Four getting even more fantastic!

Cleavage Friday

Not really COTW

Blogroll in your face! Phat Ninja style!

Lazy asshole???

Shweet ride for my knee-grows!!!

Mo and Good Apollo don't like The Phat...

The day I discovered Firefox

A serious case of the Mondays

Cleavage of the week

Filter Coffee is the shizzle!

Birds. Go figure...