Sweet Ride!

Do the chickens have large talons? The answer is quite simply, yes.
Napoleon Dynamite sound bites here....

Well lookey lookey here!

Ok. First of all. By this picture saying: "Tony's Hard Work Day" I was actually hoping to say:

"Phatboi's incredibly miserable life and hard work to try and think of something funny to write on the Snatch so that he can totally entertain the masses and be like a rockgod work day"

That's sort of the main reason why I haven't been posting as of late...well that and the fact that my pc died because I got a virus from the gay-midget-animal porn cleverly disguised as normal porn that GeO sent me. Nice one GeO. Remind me to return the favour sometime...well that and...Ever since I started my new my new job i haven't really been as angry and totally pissed off as I used to be. And all three of our faithful readers know that my anger is the key to my creativity. It's sort of like when you go to prison and your ass becomes the key to happiness for a 500kg prisoner named Tiny...Oh and just btw, that happened to a friend of a friend - NOT TO ME - i repeat - It did not happen to me...It happened to a guy who I know's friend...OK?

Stop judging me!

Anyway - GeO and I have devised yet another plan for The Snatch to become the most kick-ass well-hung blog on the block, cause we rock, so you can just go ahead and suck my cool-aid!!! This plan will take affect as soon as G'Apollo gets off of his lazy ass and comes out drinking with us. It involves lots of money, lots of fame and booze and hummers with over sized chrome rims and PS3's...lots of PS3's.

So watch this space you muhfuggers!


PhatBoi out!

Phat Female Friday

Its a quiet day here at the office. Thank God everybody is taking their leave now - it just means less work for me - which means more posts on the Phat. And that is not necessarily a good thing either. I reckon I went on holiday just at the right time, just before the silly season of December. Everything goes wrong in November and I am so glad I missed all the bullshit involved in that. Now I can just sit back and take it easy at the office. And post arbitrary stuff like Phat Female Friday because apparently thats all I'm good for...in regards to PhatSnatch. In real life I have other skills like push-up skills and pull-up skills, and a fraction of arm-wrestling skills but only when I have been drinking.

So for all you poor sods that are going away for the holidays during December enjoy waiting in traffic, waiting in lines and try avoid the millions of suicidal holiday makers on our roads.

This is Victoria's Secret fashion show as presented by IGN.

I'm Back Large And Oh So Very Much In Charge

I'm back from Aus. Its great to be back home but not so great to be back to the sweltering hell hole I like to call "Work." Anyway mates, I can like to have cooked some shrimps on the barbie - for the uninformed that's Australian slang for "I make good time". I miss Aus already. But we'll get into that socio-economic argument some other day.

Upon arriving in SA I was surprised to discover that all my stuff at work (ie. keyboard, stationary, monitors, lunch boxes, business cards etc.) was as I had left it. At my company when someone goes on leave they're as good as dead. Which makes anything lying on their desk free for the taking. I was seriously hoping that I would be missing all my stuff when I got back - I would've spent the next two days of being back at the office hunting the scum that took my stuff and avoiding all work during that period. And of course I would've had to spend another day formatting my machine because who knows what sort of deprived perverted animal-midget porn the office vegetarian was browsing on my machine during my absence. I then planned on spending the next 2 days of being back at the office catching up on unfinished business. And when is "catching up on unfinished business" I mean playing Q3. Alas, I've spent my first days back at work doing some constructive work. Which totally goes against my nature and everything I believe in.

On that note I've been spending a lot of my time staring at this website...

And on that note here's some pics of an all-time Phat favorite, Brooke Burke - only because I wont be doing Phat Female Friday tomorrow and because I feel slightly guilty for not posting while I was away. And there's the small matter of me being lazy. I can't help it, I'm apathetic like that.











Btw, big ups to Attu for this post and Popoholic

Snotnose Monday!

Dsa-yom! It's Monday morning, it's raining and I've got a bitchin' cold making it's infectious way through my babbelas ridden body! And much like the little boy in this picture, it's all snot and tears from PhatBoi Central...because to tell you the truth - I don't feel good and I want my mommy!

The fact that I'm listening to Seether's Karma and Effectalbum at the moment seems to be the only thing keeping me alive, that and the two liters of Nescafe I just snorted. Under normal circumstances I would have been so hyper that spontaneous combustion would've been probable. But I'm not that lucky today because like I said:

"It's Monday morning, it's raining and I've got a bitchin' cold..."

This is PhatBoi getting down with the muhfuggin' sickness and signing out.

Phat Female Friday

I haven't done this post in about 2 years. And I wont be doing this post again for a while either. I'm going to Australia. For a holinday. Truth be told I have forgotten what its like to post on the blog. The exhilirating thrill of uploading "risque" (that's French for risky) SFW pictures that are not so SFW (if you know what I'm saying but I dont think anybody really does...) during working hours. There is nothing quiet like the threat of a director walking in on a Phat Female post in the making. The promise of being fired!

And yes I will be in Aus for the next couple of weeks. And no I mostly likely will not post while I'm away.

Enough of that crap! After a super long hiatus Phat Female Friday is back, large and in charge! So enjoy and be kind to children, not too kind of course.

I.T vs. Management

A man in a hot air balloon got lost. He spots a woman below. He descended a bit and shouted:
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 45 degrees north latitude and between 9 and 60 degrees west longitude."


"You must be in IT," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am!" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Who's house? My house.

Yes, it's true.

I'm back from touring Germany.

Ok, straight to business - Selling points:

1. You can buy beer at the petrol stations.
2. Public transport rocks.

As soon as the Gautrain is up and running and I can pick up a sixer of Windhoek at my local Engen, I'm staying put ;)

I have 2 gigs left for the rest of the year (after 40 playing gigs from February - which is a lot for an SA rock act) and maybe 3 CT dates. The rest of the time I'll be spending doing pre-production with my band for our first international release.

And, I have also acquired a new job.. a better job. Take note, GeO. Myself and PBoi are trying to tell you something.

That's it for now.
Here's a picture of a crazy Asian!

It's amazing how many porn links you get when Googling for any phrase containing "Asian".
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Outta here.

Phat Female Friday

I almost forgot to post today's Phat Female. I found this file on my PC. I don't know who this is, I just thought this was a cool picture.

Phatsnatch Office lingo 101

I'm back again (I know it's been a while) to educate the masses...again...

This time around we here at the Phat are aiming to give the average office worker some office "street cred" - if you know what I'm saying knee-grow?

No longer will you be the laughing stock at the water cooler. No longer will you hear undertones of giggles when walking to your lunchbox sized cubicle. You my friend will get the r.e.s.p.e.c.t.e.c.t that you deserve!

Today's Office lingo word is "Coworked"

Repeat after me "Co - Worked" and again "Co - worked". Good.
The meaning of "coworked" is as follows:

When you are doing something at work that is not work-related that requires your full attention, such as playing a video game, and a co-worker suddenly pops in forcing you to make it look as if you are busy and hide your game (such as with alt-tab). After the co-worker leaves, you typically return to your video game to find your character dead.

Joe: Hey man what are you doing? Are you gonna help us capture the flag?
Bob: Sorry I got coworked! Had to alt-tab!

In my case it was the office vegetarian that used to creep up on me to see if I'm actually doing anything productive...Hey! Gaming is productive!...Damn vegetarian asshole...But I guess they're everywhere aren't they...

So till next time kids: Keep it Phat, keep it real and keep it in your pants!

regards
Prof. Phat Boi (PhD - Player Hater Degree)



Office lingo word with compliments of urban dictionary