Transformer's Movie...Again

Does anyone remember the He-Man live action movie? Remember how disappointing it was? A kind of disappointment stemming from the fact that the movie executives took the characters we had grown to love and cherish, and then duly raping those characters. Up the anus. With tabasco sauce coated pineapples.

Something tells me the Transformer's movie has gotten the full scale "you know what would make the Transformer's even cooler" treatment. Prepare for more disappointment kids.
Take a lookie here.

Phat Female Friday

Drum-roll please! Welcome to the first ever edition of Phat Female Friday. Where we bring you the phatest, phlyest females the internet has to offer. You guys may remember I was offering a reward to the best title for this post after we had the whole renaming debacle. Even though Jammin and Marbro had some interesting titles I decided against their ideas, purely because I think my title was better than theirs and I wanted the prize money for myself. I'm stingy like that.


Heck Yeah!
This used to be Mo's money. He used to a contributor with PhatSnatch. He contributed to our blog about as much as Hezbollah contributes to stability in the Middle East. PhatBoi took back what was rightfully ours and Mo never posted again. This money is mine now! I'm going to use it to do all sorts of nasty shit, like eating chocolate pizza and...ummm...purchasing petrol and stuff...

That's my reward. Beatriz Barros can be your reward.

VICTORY

Victory.

Finally, I have passed my CCNA exam. It has been torture, but there is nothing quite like blaring the Rocky Theme song on the drive to the testing centre to get you in the right frame of mind for an exam. Thank God. Now I can now focus on my hand modelling career.

Eye of the tiger baby, eye of the tiger.

It's Official!

"The official movie title of Marvel's first family of superheroes, The Fantastic Four, was recently announced as The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

The cast of the original Four will be returning, with Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic, Michael Chiklis as the Thing, Chris Evans as the Human Torch, and Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman."

Can you believe that shit?!? OMG! OMG! OMG! Just as excited as Good Apollo and GeO are about the Transformers movie that's coming out, so does the excitement run through my jean pant like electricity (or something) about the Silver Surfer in a movie. Fine, it may not be a film dedicated solely to the Surfer, but still... It's the Silver Surfer! Heck Yeah!

The anger within...

Within the first 5 seconds of walking into the office this morning I was totally blindsided by a shit-fit from a power tripping, rank pulling, lower management, cock sucking sorry excuse for a human being...Like our green friend in the picture above I just wanted to reach out and grab the managing retard by the neck and punch them so hard that they'll need to unzip their pants just to say hi! GOSH!

If you could see me now, you'd probably confuse me for The Hulk. Well, if you take away my infinite strength that grows exponentially as I get angrier, and if you take in consideration that I'm not a muscle bound behemoth the size of a small house, and if you over look the fact that my skin doesn't have a candy green discoloration to it I look exactly like the Incredible Hulk. To be honest, the only thing incredible about me at the moment is my incredible lack of compassion and patience for the fucktard who put me in this foul mood...

Prepare for mutany.

PhatBoi out.

I weep

And this time it's not because of GeO's lack of manliness.

If you are not indigenous to South Africa, or if you're a soutie who thought that learning Afrikaans was a waste of your time, you won't understand the joke. Unlucky...

When applying for her South African ID, this lady requested that a dash be put on the last letter of her name. She wrote her name "Anmerí" and in Afrikaans wrote: "let op na die strepie op i" (or "take note of the dash on the i").

This is what she got back:

The mind boggles.
The tastebuds shudder.

'pollo.

Treats for the G(r)eek

Since GeO nearly creamed his jeans regarding the Transformers movie (and since he showed his lack of comprehension of everything that is Transformer by saying that they "mutate") I am posting these two links up for him, for educational purposes.

- Jalopnik's Transformers Mini Site
- Transformer World 2005

Have fun, cup cake.

I'm such a Good Apollo.

Everybody look at me, me.

I realised the following when I was driving to hel... work this morning:

The journey to your office is a lot quicker when you're not suffering from a hangover.
Honestly, this morning it was 20min, as opposed to the 4 day journey, when I had been drinking heavily the previous evening.

=


=

(no, this is not me. got Google?)

I would like to take some time now to share some thoughts with you regarding a particular subject, one that has been bothering me for about 2 months now.

But firstly, let's step back a few years to, let's say circa 2000 - 2003.

2000

Nelly Furtado released her debut album "Whoa, Nelly!"

The first single off this record, was of course "I'm like a bird.". In my humble opinion, this was the worst track on the album, albeit catchy. Which is probably the reason why it was the first single. Now, everyone got sick of this song, really quickly, changing lyrical content to "I'm like a turd, I only flush away" (OH ROFL COMEDY GENIUS), etc.

Oh and a lot of people didn't like the pitch and tonal quality of her voice either.

I'm a bit of a music slut, so I'll literally listen to anything out of any genre. I got my hands on one or two other tracks and I actually liked it, so I bought the album. And I was really really impressed. 2 of my favorite tracks from the Whoa Nelly album:

"... On The Radio (Remember The Days)"

You liked me till' you heard my shit on the radio
Well I hate to say but pop aint' going solo
You liked me till' you heard my shit on the radio
But now I'm just too mainstream for you, oh no
You liked me till' you seen me on your t.v.
Well if you're so low below then why you watching
You say good things come to those who wait
Well I've been waiting a long time for it

[Chorus:]
I remember the days when I was so eager to satisfy you
And be less then I was just to prove I could walk beside you
Now that I've flown away I see you've chosen to stay behind me
And still you curse the day I decided to stay true to myself

You say your quest is to bring it higher
Well I never seen change without a fire
But from your mouth I have seen a lot of burning
But underneath I think it's a lot of yearning
Your face, the colours change from green to yellow
To the point where you can't even say hello
You tell me you'd kill me if I ever snob you out
Like that's what you'd expect from me, like that's what I'm about

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
It's so much easier to stay down there guaranteeing you're cool
Than to sit up here exposing myself trying to break through
Than to burn in the spotlight, turn in the spitfire
Scream without making a sound, be up here and not look down
because we're all afraid of heights

[Chorus]

Why ya hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me so so,
leave me down down down down low leave me down da down down da down da down down down...shit on the radio... shit on the radio... shit on the radio... shit on the radio

"Turn Off The Light"

It's getting so lonely inside this bed
Don't know if I should lick my wounds or say woe is me instead
And there's an aching inside my head
It's telling me I'm better off alone
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you will get some

[Chorus:]
They say that girl ya know she act too tough tough tough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
They say that girl you know she act so rough rough rough
Well it's till' I turn off the light, turn off the light
And I say follow me follow me follow me down down down down
till' you see all my dreams
Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems

I looked above the other day
Cuz I think I'm good and ready for a change
I live my life by the moon
If it's high play it low, if it's harvest go slow and if it's full, then go
But after midnight morning will come
And the day will see if you're gonna get some

[Chorus]

I'm searching for things that I just cannot see
Why don't you don't you don't you come and be with me
I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe
That I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve
I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life
Where is the love that I'm looking to find
It's all in me, can't you see, why can't you, why can't you see it's all in me

[Chorus]

Where is your logic
Who do you need
Where can you turn in your delicate time of need
Follow me down, follow me down down down,
I do not need I do not need nobody
Where is your logic
Who do you need
Where can you turn in your delicate time of need

--------------------------

Even the lyrical content was not bad at all, and her style of singing made it so much easier my ear. It was poppy, but it contained elements from a broad style of music, and I really thought it was something fresh and now. Funky style, lot's of attitude and of course, she's definitely not bad to look at:

Ok fine, she's superhot!

2003

Nelly Furtado releases her second album, entitled "Folklore." Working with 2 producers named "Track" and "Field" respectively, they put together a fantastic album that just flies completely underneath the radar. Besides the single "Try" and "Forca" used for the 2004 European Football Championship, nothing else was really playlisted off this album. Well, definitely not in South Africa, as far as I can remember. Which is a damn shame, because this is probably one of the best albums I have in my collection. It really is sad, if you think about it. The albums that contain the most artistic integrity and creativeness, always seem to go unnoticed by the general public. Not only did this album have really good tracks that were well written and well produced, it also showed that she had matured, if you take into consideration the lyrical context on this album. Here's the lyrics to 2 of my favorite tracks from "Folklore".

"Try"

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

"Explode"

Vera's face burnt as a memory of bedroom fun
With a lighter and some hairspray
Smoking in the girls' room
Not worse than Shelley's rape behind the McDonald's
By a man she thought was fine, didn't tell anybody
Or maybe back then we just thought that she was getting some

Now we look back and see that she didn't know how
We never thought that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste

As we explode
As we explode

Then getting drunk in the bushes by the road outside the Kmart
Rolling around in them to see if you would get prickled
Slip the acid on your tongue rooftop mall parkade
We couldn't get enough

Then count the stars and the ten million woes
Just you and the universe judging each other
We never knew that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste

As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
As we let go

It's a fight, it's a fight and you finally belong
Got a shiner now and it's more than a battle scar
More than a battle scar, such a good, good story to tell
At lunch break, lunch break, lunch break, lunch break
Such a good, good story to tell

You bully, you break, you bully, you break
You fake, you fake, you fake, you fake
You smoke, you toke, you want, you flaunt, you hit it and you're in it and it's spinning

And it's wild
We never thought that we'd get caught up
Stuck in the teenage waste

As we explode
As we explode
As we explode
As we let go

We're counting the stars
We're counting the stars
We're gonna go far, we're gonna go far
We're counting the stars, we're counting the stars
We're not very far, we're not very far

And it's you and me in the open air
It's truth or dare, we don't care
We're counting the stars, we're counting the stars, we're counting the stars, we're counting the stars

--------------------------

2006

"Loose" is released, and along with it comes a Timbaland-produced, airbrushed, tarted up Nelly Furtado.

According to the WikiPedia, Loose is her most succesful album up to date. I attribute this to the fact that it contains horse-shit pop songs, that would appeal to the MTV-brainwashed masses. An example:

"Maneater"

[Verse 1]
Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody what chu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me!

[Chorus]
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

[Verse 2]
And when she walks she walks with passion
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it
when she asks for something boy she means it
even if you never ever seen it
everybody get your necks to crack around
all you crazy people come on jump around
you doing anything to keep her by your side
because, she said she love you, love you long time!

[Chorus]
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

[Chants]

[Chorus]
Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
make you fall, real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all!

Never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!
you wish you never ever met her at all!

--------------------------

I get the fact that she has to sell albums as a professional musician, in order to survive. I mean, that's her job. I'm going to have the exact same job very soon.

But I am disappointed.
I'm disappointed with the general public's lack of interest in the first 2 albums, which has forced her to go this way.
I'm disappointed that she's following in the footsteps of so many other artists that took the "Let's make really shitty songs, that make no sense and drops beats that make even less sense, but people can still pretend to dance to it if we play it to death on radio and television". My shit is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s?

Indeed.
The Good Apollo, trying not to explode.

...

I don't know what to call this post anymore. It used to be called "Cleavage of the Week", however we at the Phat keeping ahead of the times as we like to do, noticed a disturbing trend that bloggers were commonly naming there weekly posts "Something" Of The Week. Accordingly, we decided to change the name to "Cleavage Friday" since we like keeping ahead of the times. Yesterday whilst browsing the internet I came across a local blog. This blog (whose name I will refrain from mentioning) has their own Cleavage Friday...A conflict of interests if I ever did encounter one.

This blog stands against everything that PhatSnatch strives to be. You may be wondering, who are these sinners? I will refrain from mentioning their name. Lets just say it rhymes with "pussygalore". I will not link to this blog since it is a sorry excuse for a porno blog sprinkled with email jokes. Original, yes? At least if we ever post email jokes we have a our own witty twists to them. I don't want to get into a blog war with this guys since they are highly ranked at Satopsites, undeservedly so if you ask me. Thus we need a name change!

Any suggestions? Leave us a comment and the best headline will win a prize.
Here are some good examples (or last minute ideas that sounded like good examples at the time):
"Cleavageism"
"The hollow visible between a woman’s breasts when a low-cut garment is worn" Friday.

C'mon, help a brotha out!

The greatest film of all time!

I have been waiting for this my entire life...
No words can describe it, click to view

Test Drive

I finally got a chance to test drive the new Civic. They still have a waiting list of two months for anybody looking to buy the damn thing. Its all good, I'm not rushing into the purchase at this moment in time.

My thoughts from the test drive: its different. From the way it looks to the orientation of the controls this is unlike any other Civic! Ever! Full stop! I use to own a '98 Ballade (known as the Civic Sedan everywhere else except in SA where we still kept the Ballade badge for some un-explainable reason) and I currently own a 2004 Civic, I've also had the opportunity of driving other/older Civic models. From my experience and in my opinion between 1980 and 2005 the interior orientation of the Civic's instumentation has remained relatively unchanged. Your indicators on the right, windscreen wipers on the left etc. The new Civic has gone and changed everything around. Its not a bad thing either. Everything is still in easy reach and ergonomically designed, but different from previous models. Nifty features include a digital instrumentation panel, climate control and full-house essentials (ie. airbags, traction control, ABS etc.) Blah blah blah, all in all it is an awesome car!

Performance wise, I was expecting a lot more bang from the ride. The Vtec growl is back but it lacks the awesome power that made the original Vtec's legendary. Don't get me wrong it's a zippy car with efficient torque at the lower rev's but you expect a bit more punch when you put your foot down. Maybe its the futuristic look of the car that gives an impression it should launch like a rocket. Or maybe its the fact that the salesman was 200kg over the NHO's morbid obesity levels and anything smaller than a Hemi V8 would struggle under the mass loads. He was a good salesman even though (in his words): "Sorry my English are not so good, I are from the Free State..." None the less, its a fantastic car that will get heads turning, considering there is a 2 month waiting list this is a car worth the wait. But if you can wait a year there's the little matter of ...

Greeks in disguise.

It was not an accident.
I deleted my last two posts because they were crap.

Much like:

*cough*

I went to watch it on Sunday and to quote the Arctic Monkeys: "Don't believe the hype."
Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad movie, but I kind expected something better from the man that did Heat. His directing style stands out like GeO at modelling industry party (in the sense that he is ugly, and not handsome at all), but that's about it that really impressed me.

Something else that impressed me, was the fact that GeO made a post about the Transformers. And then he fucked it up by saying "mutating vehicles".

Transformers do not mutate.
They transform.
Hence the name.
Otherwise, they would be the Mutators.
You idiot.

It did however lead me to searching for the Transformers: The Movie (the 1986 animated version) dvd and low and behold, I found it on Amazon.co.uk.

I promptly bought it and I'm eagerly awaiting it's arrival. And no, GeO, I'm not letting you watch it. You can go buy The Mutators or 80's Pop Culture for Dummies or some shit and watch that.

Comin' atcha from the office where I have a complete and 100% sense of apathy for my job..

Later
Good Apollo?
Oh yeah, very Good.

You can take me to Funky Town, you can take me to...

Sticking to the theme of the 80's here's a little clip I found of Mr T learning how to break dance. I may be imagining this but he doesn't catch on really fast, does he? Click on the pic below and it'll take you to the website with the clip.

After watching this I learned a lot. I learned that too much gold decoration affects your mental functioning, in a bad way. I also learned that I can make money off my robot dancing skills. If you want to learn how to dance the robot in a skilfull yet classy manner leave a comment, I'll get your details and I will be in contact with you to arrange a lesson. For a small fee of course. I will teach you how to become a human Transformer! A robot in disguise, if you will.

Go to this link now and be mesmerized by the amazing animated light pen. Its like being in the 80's with slow motion phtotgraphy and dark alley-ways...and no Mr T...Its like transforming your pen into a cartoon show...umm...I know this paragraph was leading somewhere, I just can't think of it right now...

End

Body Hits: Clash of the Supermodels!

Right!

Last week ssometime I did the first post for our lady readers. It was about Heidi Klum designing and commercially releasing "The Body" a.k.a the most comfortable bra known to man...or make that women...It went a little something like this!

Well turns out that our Ms. Klum jumped the gun with the name for her new lingerie product as per the guys from Softpedia:

'Little did she know that such a statement like that would lead to such bitter exchange of remarks with another famous model who, in her turn, claims that she is 'The Body' and that the name rightfully belongs to her. Elle Macpherson (43) says that she has been known under that name when Heidi was still a child; therefore, she is the only one entitled to it.

'We saw that [the add for 'The Body' bra] and we were like "Oh, my God!". We were initially flabbergasted. We have numerous press clippings in the office referring to Elle as "The Body", a representative for the elder model said in response to Heidi's advertisement.

The PR also stated that Macpherson got the name when she first appeared on the 'Time Magazine cover, in 1986. And, because Heidi was only 13 at the time, it is pretty clear who is the rightful 'owner' of The Body:

'In terms of public record, the name belongs to Elle', Macpherson's publicist said. But the other side also has clippings to prove that Elle can't be the sole user of the nickname.

Actually, it all boils down to the fact that, unlike Heidi Klum, Elle Macpherson has been making good money using the nickname, by selling such products as the skincare line 'Elle Macpherson The Body' and the fitness videos'The Body Workout'.

Answer me this: "How in the hell did Heidi Klum, her entourage of personal assistants and advisors not notice that another well known supermodel was already cashing-in on her so called nickname!?!" GOSH!!!!

PhatSnatch 101

Chekidy check yo self before you wreck yo self
Cause I'm bad for your health
I come real stealth...

Dsaa-yom! My rapping skills are ill dawg...and by "rapping skills" I actually mean searching the big G double O G-L-E for some Ice Cube lyrics...

Anyway..

As you all know, we here at The Phat are always trying to educate the masses. Coz you know a gangsta in the hood gots to know what's good... Yeah! All that and a bag of chips!

So I got thinking...Why not start the education on the one topic that everyone is talking about - PhatSnatch...Thus the heading: "PhatSnatch 101". I'm going to break it down for y'all real quick

Phat -

1. Cool 2. Pretty Hot And Tempting Dude! That shit is phat! Dude! That bitch is P.H.A.T!

Snatch -

1. Da female organ from which da lips are da gate to holy bliss.

Man, when I dream all I see is Snatch.

Get it? Got it? Dsa-yom good!

Back to the future

Last week PhatBoi loan me the PS2 version of the Transformers game. This game has totally got me hooked in the world of Cybertron again! I remember how awesome the toys and the TV show were back in a time where mutating vehicles were the coolest thing since day-glo socks. Its a fun game if a little clumsy with its controls and levels difficulty, but I'm not going to get into that right now. What I would like to talk about is the modern day trend of remaking 80's television programmes. Check the webpage for the Transformers movie here. Looks flipping great, doesn't it?

Now turn your attention to this. A live-action version of Dallas! I say live-action because the acting on the original television series was about as sophisticated as a finger-puppet show made by my 4 year old niece. Which is not very sophisticated at all seeing as I don't have a 4 year old niece.

..........vs..........

I can already tell you the outcome of this doomed endevour. I'm foresighted like that. Larry Hagman will completely rip out Travolta's lifeless yellow heart. Nobody comeptes with the original JR Ewing! And when I say "nobody", I mean John Travolta is a has-been nobody who's career died after Pulp Fiction was released, as far as I'm concerned. Hagman was ruling Texas while smoking Cubanos and having sex with two rich chicks at the same time, while Travolta was wearing cheap polyester tuxedos and having sex with himself.

Next on the agenda is Miami Vice.

.........vs.........

A couple of posers VS trend-setting, no socks wearing, sports car driving, bad-ass 80's Demi-Gods!!! I have nothing further to say on the subject, my emotions run thick with nostalgia and memories of crimson Miami sunsets.

Next, we have Knight-Rider. I'm not going to discuss this since PhatBoi already posted this story here. Lets just say its going to be interesting and we'll leave it at that.

Magnum PI is next on my list of 80's remakes. I don't really remember what the TV show was about. I remember the 'stache, the ferrari and the dobermans. I also remember watching this show and wishing Miami Vice was on instead. I lie. I actually use to watch this show and wished Dynasty was showing rather.



Not much news on the Magnum PI movie either, all I can say it's still in the pre-production phases. How 'bout Magnum VS. Alexis...Huh huh?? The 'stache VS the original shoulder-padded reyaach beeyach!



There are a few more 80's TV show remakes in the pipeline that I cant quite remember but we'll get into that another time - the remakes that is, not my lack of memory.

Out of all these brain-dead rehashed ideas the one I'm really looking forward to is the Transformers movie. It'll probably turn out to be a dissapointing rehash just like the Ninja Turtles live action flick, but it will be a good trip down nostaligia lane. I can tell you one thing though, I'll be a happy blogger if anyone ever decides to make a real life version of Thundercats. Heck yeah!

Cleavage Friday

There's no reason for me to do Cleavage Friday today seeing as PhatBoi did his own post of boobs and comfortable bras and stuff. I couldn't really read the post I was too distracted by the picture. Hmm, I've got some serious competition. No matter we're both in the same boat so "share the wealth" I always say.



The blog is looking good I have to say, we almost have the Phat restorted to its former glory. If only we could get 12 million hits a day then we'd be rolling in it. You want to know what "it" is - I dont know either, but we'll be rolling in...umm...it. Sort of like what Nicole Sione is doing in these photographs. (You see how everything fits neatly together in my posts. Every word has a purpose and every sentence is constructed for a common goal. I'm literate like that.) I just hope "it" is soft and moist and round and somewhat bouncy. If its not than we'll have to settle for only 11 million hits a day.

Right, PhatSnatch is looking mighty fine and we've got exciting plans for the future, watch this space. Sorry, not that space, this space. Thats better. Thanks to Good Apollo for getting our hopes up and then completely changing the blog to pink and leaving it like that. And thanks to PhatBoi for making the blog not pink anymore. Thanks to the office vegetarian for getting his boney ass fired so we wouldn't have to hear the neighbours dog's screeching yelp's anymore (he was overly-friendly with the neighbour's dog, if you know what I'm saying). And thanks to global warming for providing today's material for Cleavage Friday! Heck Yeah!!


Due to copyright infringements we have decided to remove the photographs of cleavage from this post. I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to Mr Chris Hartman for using his work without prior consent. I know what it feels like to have something you love stolen from you. I'm still searching for the schmuck that stole my lollipop 23 years ago. Dad if you're reading this...

Btw, go check out Chris's website here.

He's a really talented photographer who gets awesome cleavage shots. Don't fuck with him either, because he'll rip your balls off with a rusty wheel spanner!!! Other than that he's a really cool guy and I think he's the key to getting my hand modelling career off the ground. Mad props to Mr Hartman.

Something for ladies...at last!

I realized this morning that we've never really posted something for the ladies that read The Phat. Well it's actually just Rox and GeO's mom that grace our blog pages with their female presence, but none the less.

No, this will not be a post with some half naked toss...I mean half naked men's underwear model striking a pose that closely resembles a mental midget taking a dump in his undies. Sort of like this dude over here. Oh No! This my lady friends is something much more worth your while...

I introduce to you - The most comfortable bra in the world by Heidi Klum a.k.a "The body!"

'She and Victoria's Secret are preparing for the launch of a new women's bra, called 'The Body', Heidi's nickname when she first started working with the renowned lingerie company. But, despite the model's fame for her gorgeous frame, Heidi says that the lingerie item is not going to be one of those unpractical and uncomfortable lace bras.'

'Now it's a big honor having a bra named after my nickname that people know in the business, "The Body". And this is probably one bra that every woman wants to have because it is so comfortable. It comes in eight different colors, it has no seams, no stitches. It is not the super sexy, lacy bra, but this is something functional that you want to have every day that is super comfortable and just great.'


So there you have it ladies. One comfortable, super sexy, super functional bra coming up.

And remember girls - You heard it first on The Phat!

Phantastic!

Failure, again

I wrote the CCNA exam on Tuesday again. I failed again. I'm not going to bitch and moan this time, I've done enough of that here. I don't think there is much more I can actually do to pass this exam. I ran out of time again. I'm R1400 poorer again. I think I'll focus on Playstation 3 for the time being.

Ok, I said I wasn't going to moan.........
90 minutes is not long enough!!!! A 90 minute exam! Its sick! Its not humanly possible! Its not possible!

I'm done. Thank You

Monday again...or is it?

When I walked into the office this morning it felt like Monday, but then I realized I was being a flipping shtoopit and that it's not Monday but actually Thursday! Even better - Tomorrow is Friday. Heck Yeah!

Public Holidays are the shizzle. In fact. There's nothing like a mid-week public holiday to totally screw up my perfectly good, weekly routine. And by "weekly routine" I mean, My mom bringing me Jungle Oats in bed every morning as I wake up to Cartoon Network. I hear you. It's the good life alright...Then again. It reminds me of that saying: "Change is as good as a public holiday."

On top of it being a ph, it was sunny, hot and generally all round summery and stuffs. It was the perfect chance to get a bit of Vitamin D on the ole twig and beans (if you know what I mean)

But for now it's pants on and back to work...What a shitty anti-climax to a mantastic public holiday...

Your life burns faster...Obey your master!

Monday: Welcome to where time stands still. No one leaves and no one will.

I'm drinking filter coffee and listening to Metallica to ease my way into the seemingly endless misery that is the first day of the week. It may seem that I'm wasting my hate on such a petty, insignificant little thing, but believe me it's worth every ounce of hatred I have in me!

I hate Mondays. Bad things always happens on Mondays. Come to think of it. I broke the blog early on a Monday morning. See what I mean?!?! To tell you the truth. I was actually reluctant to post anything today in fear of breaking the blog AGAIN!I don't even want to think about what Good Apollo will do to GeO's genitals if I break the blog again. It's sad but true. We'll if you're reading this it means I didn't break the blog and GeO's genitals are still safe...for now.

Time to face "The thing that should not be" a.k.a Monday...

Likewise...

I feel WWTDD's pain, I really do. We're on the same boat dude. Only reason I'm posting this is 'cause WWTDD has his commenting disabled...for the past 20 thousand years already!! Geez!

Phatsnatch is in full swing...almost.

Thanx to the G-double-O-D Apollo our blog has almost been restored to it's former glory. As you can see by our hits, we're not number 200 00 0000 0000 on satopsites anymore. We're climbing the hits ladder one day at a time and enjoying every minute of it. Heck yeah!! Basically it's just a matter of Good Apollo's time before we're back in black and breaking it down... like James Brown...in Chinatown...yessss!

GeO. Now is the time to get your mom to do her best. Let's not forget that she's the one responsible for spreading The Phat word and getting us where we are today! Long live GeO's mom!!!

Dsa-yom! I'm so hyper the Energizer Bunny ain't got shit on me. Once!

Cleavage Friday

Its all about cars and boobs, boobs and cars. What a shallow meaningless existance we live. And when i say "we" I mean "Good Apollo." Thats all I have to say.

As you can see I've been really lazy and just uploaded the pics without cropping them, I don't even have time to finish the story to this post. This is Natalie Oxley and I stole her from FHM.com. "How original" I hear you say. "Shutup!" I say.