Dictionary for decoding woman's personal ads:

40-ish..............................................49
Adventurous................................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.........................................No breasts.
Average looking..........................Mooooooo.
Beautiful.......................................Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure....................On medication
Feminist..................................Big enough to hit back - Hard
Free spirit.....................................Junkie
New-Age.........................................Body hair left natural
Open-minded..................................Desperate.
Outgoing........................................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional................................Hard ass bitch.
Voluptuous...................................Large boned frame
Large frame..................................Very large boned frame

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:


1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:


1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay