Umm....

Not to be all up-on-my-high-chair about the whole thing. But I believe that where I'm from, you'll get your ass kicked for wearing a shirt like this.
This shirt just screams "Punch my fuckin face in...Please!"

Talking about t-shirts...

The office idiot,

Every company has one. The guy that doesn't get a long with anyone. The guy that constantly gets ripped off about everything from his weight to his dog to his eating habits. He thinks he's everybody's friend, but he's not. That's why he's the office idiot. He just can't get the fuckin hint that you don't want to be bothered with petty shit every 5 minutes damn-it!!!
Its like: "Dude, help me with this. Dude, help me with that."

Don't you understand that I'm going to loose my freakin mind!?!

Anyway, from now on I'm wearing this t-shirt whenever the office idiot is around.

Mad Cow

I've got nothing. Sorry

Phatsnatch sucks balls...

We haven't been posting. I know that, you know that, but GeO doesn't. Why does GeO not know? Not because he's a flipping shtoopit. Oh No. It's because he is a CCNA poezef. Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against anyone with a CCNA diploma/degree or anything like that. I only have something against GeO. Cos he dropped me in a kak ocean without a paddle. See, since he's not at the office I have to do his kak job and my kak job all at the same time...Which leaves no room for blogging and really pisses me off.

So sorry guys and GeO's mom. Me not blogging...or rather no new posts on the Phat is directly linked to GeO being an a-hole. I hate that guy... SHMUCK!

My Virgin Post

So after this post, I can officially say, that I am no longer a virgin poster here at phat. So without further delay, I present you with my new shirt. I bought it with the R200 note you guys gave me. Like it?

So I blow my load, and spread the seeds of love!

Thanx. Its good to be home. Lets all have a smoke

Cleavage of the week

I had to post this COTW. This blog is one of the few things thats keeping me sane at this point in my life. It truly feels like I'm losing my mind. For our readers who don't already know (and I know most of you visit the blog just for boobs and avoid the writing in between) I'm studying for my CCNA. My thoughts have lately been in 1's and 0's and routing tables from hell! This is nothing like studying during my varsity days, I haven't had a single shot of whiskey during any of my study sessions! Only one thing has been keeping me from drinking copious amounts of liquor and that is work, or as I like to call it "the soul-mutilator." Lets get this straight, the office is absolutely nothing like my old day house, the directors can't appreciate single malt liquor like I do! Ooooh, I brought a bottle of Chivas to the support office! Ooooh, I spilt some booze on the purple couch! Ooooh, I didn't answer any of my calls! Ooooh, I took a fat dump in the board room and smeared it all over the director's family photos and then I set fire to the plaque with the company motto. So what. Big deal.

But you don't give a shit about me.
Here's a hot link for Adriana Karembeu

Well look what the phat-cat dragged in

It is my great pleasure to fondle your sis...I mean to introduce to you (our faithful readers) a new member of The Phat.

You might recognize our new addition from other blogs and sites such as HAM and rhapsodylive.co.za. He might've even paid your mom a visit or two. Yes. It's the one and only....

motheho a.k.a Mo

When GeO and I heard that Mo was going to slit Ham.co.za's throat and throw it to the dawgs, we thought we'd play recruit-the-blogger and we invited him to join our most mantastic pimp-a-liscious blog. Mo, being the superdooper-guy that he is, accepted our invitation and the rest as they say is... not important.

Mo.
To show our appreciation and gratitude for joining our blog. We decided to give you a little sign-on bonus. No, not a free back massage from VhailorZ you flipping shtoopit. Something much better!!!

SOMETHING LIKE THIS:



go crazy, but don't spend it all at once! remember always read the fine print..


your soul has now been sold to the devil for all eternity...sucker

Study Leave

"Where is our favourite blogger?" I hear everybody asking. Well I'm too busy for you assholes! I dont have time for stupid little games! Truth be told, I'm under a lot of pressure. I'm studying for my CCNA certification and the course starts next week. Lately I've only had time for work and study. Work and study. I wish it was blog and study. I'de be happier if it was.

I'm not writing this post for entertainment's sake, I'm doing it because I need help. If anybody has done their CCNA and knows of any good links to download old exams, or new exams, or exams that haven't been released yet (wink wink, nudge nudge) please drop me a mail (or comment with a working link) and I'll be highly grateful. Lets just say I've got over million Simba chip Tazos looking for a new home. If that doesn't sound enticing then you have no soul!

Cartoons that get you thinking...

It just me...or is Sea Hawk cupping Princess Adora's boob? And it looks like she's loving it!

This is a scene from one of the 80's he-man spin-off cartoons - She-Ra Princess of power. Suddenly I see why gramps always liked watching he-man. Here I was thinking he was cleaning his reading specs under the blanket.
The mere thought...

more crazy he-man stuffs?

Listen here boi!

Pay attention!

Soon you're going to be seeing these posters everywhere. When you leave your house in the morning, when you get to work, on your car, on your boss' car, on your boss' back, on your mom's back, on your sister's back on your cousin's back, your dog's anus, your cat's litter box, you're grandma's wheelchair. Even on your horse's chrum...

Yes. We intend to put these posters everywhere, EVERYWHERE! MHUHAHAHAHA! (is there an echo in here?)

What in the HELL! is going on with Phatsnatch?

So, you've probably noticed our hits dropping like it's hot!
And by reading this you probably want to know the answer
as to why the hits are falling faster than a fat bitch dropped out of a microlight.

Well bucko. It's all thanx to you that the hits started rising in the first place. So ask yourself:"what the hell am I doing wrong?".
Have you not been spreading your legs...uum...I mean the disease of the Phat? Have you been pre-occupied by other, lesser blogs?

The time is upon us! We must act now to save Phatsnatch from the bottom of the satopsites log. So come on! Show us you care and kick you best friend square in the balloons! Ok, that won't get us any hits but it would sure be fun!!!

Do it! Do it now!

Cleavage of the week

I'm looking forward to this long weekend like I look forward to posting COTW every week. All I've got to say is - thank God our government loves them long weekends! Those of you that watch Grey's Anatomy will recognise Katherine Heigl from that show. Katherine Heigl is todays COTW star.

Apparently she's looking to make a sex video, ala Paris Hilton. I dont have anything to say on the topic really except: "DON'T DO IT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO IT! You will ruin your career!" Honestly, what is she thinking? "I want to be a slutbot just like Paris Hilton." Well if thats what she wants then that's what she's going to get. Until she does that and completely degrades herself into the category of "skank-ho" here is some nice cleavage to enjoy. Enjoy it while it lasts, because its not going to last long.

The Kathy sex video story is here.
Some artful Kathy photgraphy can be found here.
And in 2 years time you will find Kathy's career here.

When good comic covers go bad...Very, very, bad.

Damn. There are so many things wrong with this comic book cover I don't even know where to start. What in the name of all things holy were the creators of this cover thinking? Are they trying to tell us something? Is this another conspiracy just waiting to be exposed?

something like: "Da DC Comic Code" or some shit like that... or is Superman just on big sicko?

Any-hoo! I think we should have a little contest to see who can come up with the funniest dialogue to match this cover. What do you say? Are you up for it? The winner will get a free foot and back massage (and maybe more, depending on his mood) from our new best friend VhailorZ!

With the scented body oils and everything...yeah!

So get dialoguing you psychos !!!

Domkop doesn't like half naked chicks...

Dear VhailorZ,

Just to show our appreciation to you as our new best friend. I thought I'd post something you might enjoy.Not half-naked chicks but, you guessed it!

Fully dressed chicks! !!!!!!!!!

Yeah baby! How's that for friendship?!?! Say my name!


Ps. I put the text in a bigger font so that you don't have to squint when reading. Don't mention it buddy!

Phatsnatch has a new best friend! Whooohoooo!

First of all I'd like to thank GeO's mom for spreading the word of the Phat. GeO's mom, I don't know what you did to domkop to review our blog, but it worked. So go do it to all the other people you might come into contact with. Do it! Do it now! Do it!

Domkop. It is my great pleasure to welcome you as one of the top ten readers of phatsnatch.blogspot.com (and by top ten, I actually mean the only ten.) Which makes you our new best friend. Welcome friend!

We don't care that you ripped us off about 10 of our 100+ posts being e-mail jokes.

"Content wise all the information on your Blog is probably found on every 5th Blog in South Africa, copied over and over and over again (I cant help but think its such a waste of space). Im talking about your email jokes, funny pictures, and half naked chicks."

It's only about 9% of all our posts or something like that. But who's counting anyway? We also don't care that you ripped off our very first posts (that we did when he had a completely different template hence the blue text). To tell you the truth we totally forgot about writing those posts and we're not proud of them either. Funny picture's? Are you talking about the funny pictures accompanying our original posts that aren't found on any other blogs or the funny pictures of the above mentioned 9% of our other email kak?

What IS cool though, is the fact that you put us in the same league as chump-style and splattermail.

"From first glance it's another Chumpstyle / Splattermail Blog"

Yeah. We must be doing something right!

Do you really like us that much!?! Just remember: "Flattery will get you everywhere with the Phat" Everywhere except in our jean pants. We said you're our friend, not our special friend...and we're well hung...and basically we only like chicks, not guys. So sorry about that one.

Thanx anyway

Love,
The Phatsnatch Crew©

A hard days night...

After a weekend of non-stop drinking and partying you'd think I'd have no trouble sleeping. I mean getting a total of 5 hours sleep in a 48 hour weekend and still having to get through a ball-crunching Monday is no joke.

I got home Monday night too tired to sleep. I know it sounds impossible, but I was past the stage of sleeping. My concentration went for a ball of shit, so hopping on to the PS2 for a quick battle in Tekken 5, or a quick drive in Gran Tourismo seemed the obvious route to take but it was more frustrating than fun. It was totally impossible for me to read...Mainly coz i hate reading and therefor don't own any real books. Well, you can count my Three little piggies book I got when I was 5 (yes I still have it) but after almost 15 years of reading that book, it got kinda stale.And there was absolutely nothing on the tele, except for (dare I say it) infomercials...fucking infomercials.

Tuesday followed the same suite. No matter how worn-out, drained or mind-numbingly exhausted I felt I just couldn't get to sleep...fucking sleep

After about two hours of sleep last night I found myself at work this morning. According to my Windows calender it's Wednesday today. When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake...

The first rule of Fight Club is....

Phatsnatch! the phatest snatch of all the snatches ever! Yeah!

The Phat broke the top 10 sites on www.satopsites.co.za under the Personal and Blogs category and it makes me want to sing and dance! Come on. Break it down like James Brown in China town! Everybody now!

Anyway, I was thinking of how to celebrate this great occasion and then it hit me...one more time...twice...in a row. Gangsta's have the most fun, so why don't celebrate like a gangsta? This here is a little Phatsnatch rendition of "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" by the Gheto Boys. Phatboi style! enjoy!

Damn it feels good to be a blogga
A real blogga-ass nigga plays his cards right
A real blogga-ass nigga never runs his fuckin mouth
Cuz real blogga-ass niggas dont start fights
And niggas always gotta high cap
Showin all his boys how he shot em
But real blogga-ass niggas dont flex nuts
Cuz real blogga-ass niggas know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a blogga
Cuz blogga-ass niggas think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
Cuz real blogga-ass niggas dont sleep
And all I gotta say to you Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin, pussy-eatin prankstas
Cuz when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a blogga

Ok, it's not my best work. But hey, you have to admit. It does feel good to be a blogga!

ps. I know Good Apollo used this pic before. I know. I don't care. I couldn't find anything else. So there.

Borat Movie

"Yashimash! My name is Borat, like English Barry but you can call me Steve. Steve!"

It is true. Borat movie is now make a debut trailer. It is nice, I like. I cant wait for the movie, I is anticipating it with dirt in my pant. Click on it here for one sexy time.

Biggest hobbies in Kazhakstan are ping-pong, disco dance and rape.
Shinkwe!

Russian Candid Camera

This is what happens when you play practical jokes in a country thats just come out of a communist run governement. It brings new meaning to the term "dont fuck with me, I'm KGB." The best part of this video is the little tribute they play at the end, its so morbid. This confirms what I've known all along and that is that Russian people are sick. Damned Bolsevics!

Flyer Fun

Me and PhatBoi were on one of our lunch-break hell raising sessions again today when we encountered this flyer for a courier company. And yes everything you read there is true, except for the "PhatNet" part. We made that up, we dont want to get into kak with the real courier co.

For the Ladies

Ladies, read carefully to the end. This info is going to be very useful this summer...You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses. It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes. The shop assistant remains at the till waiting. Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma. She prepares to throw her purse to you. If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes. At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes. Always remembering that until the purse had "actually been thrown" itwould be plain wrong to be ahead of the other shopper.

...
...
...

Congratulations - You have just learned the offside rule! Enjoy WorldCup Soccer 2006!!!

Thanks to st_lunat1c for the contribution.

Batman & Robin!

Cleavage of the week

Last week I was a little rushed to post the COTW, it was just one of those days where I had no time for anything. Today I'm going to take a much more relaxed approach to my Friday, I'm going to put work on hold and focus my energies on the blog instead. Well, the blog and the World Cup. Which brings me to todays COTW - World Cup Cleavage. Sounds rude when I say it like that doesn't it? World Cup Cleavage - say it with me. When I say it like that it feels like I'm talking about boobs the size of the planet - World Cup boobs. Like the cup that holds them is the world. Mmmyes...

I wanted to post Keeley Hazell's world cup spread but the Chump-Stylers beat me to it. Those guys are good...real good. They can read the Phat's mind, they know our only weakness is under-boob, an over-exposure of under-boob. Quick PhatBoi, where's my lead helmet?

Anyways, the best thing about the World Cup are the fans. Fans like these. The fans and their cleavage - thats what its all about.

And then fans like these:

Now don't say I never give you anything!

Truce

Dude, I'm not angry with you - just disappointed. Very disappointed. This blog is not about who posts first but the quality of the posts. Always remember our logo - we're not lazy...

But I must admit, ever since "hell day" I have been feeling a little different. I don't know, this may have something to do with me selling my soul (my dead soul,that is) to Satan in exchange for more hits to the blog - but I'm not superstitious so that cant be it.

So lets call it quits on the the fighting, for no other reason than to stop our readers from calling you a mouse and me a cat, and to prevent them from calling us husband and wife in future - that are gross, flippin gross man.

Cheer up, Grumpy pants!

Ever since my 101 is more fun post where I lashed out at GeO for writing (or should i say stealing) my 100th post, he's been a little on the quiet side. Were my spoken words too harsh? Did I break his little greek ego? Did I mash it, bash it, stomped in it and trash it?

GeO if you're still mad about me calling you a "flipping shtoopit" I'm sorry...but you really are. So stop being a doos about it and lets get on with our blogging lives. What do you say? Old buddy, old pal...

Just look at it this way - If Rob Mugabe and Tony Blair can be friends, why can't we?

Gotta love the U.S of A...

101 is more fun...yeah!

Seeing that GeO has been on posting steroids lately, I decided to do The Phat's 100th hit post. Just to show my appreciation to his mom and to let her know that we know that she knows our blog exists...and that Good Apollo, in his absence, misses her tremendously.

But guess what? I turn my back for 5 minutes and he goes ahead and steels my 5 seconds of fame for himself. Nice one! Flipping shtoopit!

But like the heading to this post says: "101 is more fun" and I didn't say that just because it rhymes. I said it cause I mean it!

So there you go GeO! How do you like them apples! Don't try coming up with something like a 102nd post either...cos that's just lame!

Ps. He-man will totally kick Skeletor's boney ass!

100th Post

This our 100th post! Woohoo, another landmark for the PhatSnatch! We keep going from strength to strength, one day men, we will be tops of the blogs.
I dedicate this to all my fallen homies - GoodApollo, this ones for you man. Respek!

Number of the Beast

For those of you who dont know today is the end of the world. Thats rights kids, today is hell day. Rumour has it that today is the 6th of June 2006, I dont know how true this rumour is but my sources are quite reliable. Do you know what this means? I dont either. But I do know that if you add 6 to 2006 and you subtract June from the recipricol you can find the radius of the circumfrance of Pythagoras, times Pi, mmm pi - i love pi, (this is very important, now focus). This will give you an answer of 12. Take 12, simmer for 45 minutes and bring to a boil. This will give a gross profit of 127% on an increasing growth curve. Take the pinnacle of that growth curve and you will get an answer of 6...6...6...And that my dear friends is the number of the beast (666). Today is 666.

Forget all the Doomsday prophecies and all the religious fanatic's superstitious banter, today is the day to remember Iron Maiden! The band that sent shockwaves down the spine of conservative parents worldwide. The band that popularised Satanism in the 80's. Oh yeah! Iwannarock! ROCK! I want to rock! Iwannarock! The band that had the most kick ass, the most evil, the most sexy mascot ever, Eddie. The band that perfected the 10minute guitar solo, the band that perfected the 10minute drum solo. Fireworks! Flames! Giant Eddie statues and massive rotating stages! These guys are 666!

All jokes aside, Iron Maiden is truly one of the most legendary Metal bands ever. I had the good fortune of watching this band live at the Carling-Reading festival in the UK last year, and they were fucking amazing! Unfortunately I didn't get photos from the concert on digital, I had one of those disposable Kodaks, sorry no photos from that concert for this post. I have to say for 50year old metal-heads these guys still know how to entertain. Bruce Dickinson (lead vocals) was born to perform. He runs around like a 12year old on a sugar rush, he's vocal range is amazing and he was hardly ever out of tune. Anyone who is a fan of live music has to see this band at least once in their life. They are mind-blowing! No article can come close to describing the utter exhiliration of their live concerts.

Check out the official website here and some interesting band history here.

From me to all of you - have a fantastic Hell Day! 666 Forever!

What Eva

I hate the spazzy show Eva Longoria stars in, whats it called? Degenerate Housewhores? What? Its the most sorriest excuse for a soap opera if you ask me - no wonder chicks love the show.

Whats the difference between Days of Our Lives and Downsyndrome Housewanks? Eva Longoria. Excellent article and some cute pics of the afore-mentioned Hespanic Eva on What Would Tyler Durden Do. I usually go to WWTDD to ogle at bikini clad celebs but this time I tried reading one of the articles. I avoid schleb gossip like the plague but the Eva article looked interesting and I heard a rumour that the print space on Blogs is not just to make the background to naughty pics look more attractive. Great article and even greater pics (even tho they're a little outdated), PhatSnatch can learn a lot from the way the WWTDD team manages their blog. I take my jimmy-hat off to them.

My most painful experience...

Date: Sunday, 4th June 2006

Time: 10:00 am

Place: The shitter at my mom's place

I woke up yesterday, feeling o.k for some one who had twice their body weight in alcohol consumption the previous night.

What can I say? Saturday was just set to be the perfect scenario to get totally shit-faced.

It was the first Springbok rugby match in ages. Hopes were high and spirits were soaring (and flowing) in anticipation of the boks' clash with the World XV team.

Needless to say the game was a total disaster. Although we won, we didn't really win the way we should have.

Which is primarily the reason we kept on drinking to a point that's considered "bad to personal health"

"Bad to personal health" is exactly what it was. I woke up on Sunday with the Incredible Hulk of Babbelas shits. Dsaa-yom! I swear. As i was struggling to get free from this turd, I thought I heard it say:"Hulk Bash! Hulk Smash!"

I was in the crapper for so long, I heard my "missing persons" add on the radio while I was still busy wrestling with this thing.All I could think of was the Austen Powers movie quote:"Who does Mr.2 Work for!?!?" That quote saved my life. It took all my will power and high pain tolerance to get that evil piece of shit out of my body. As I was sitting on that cold, unforgiving piece of white porcelain, I could feel it tearing me another a-hole.

After about 45minutes of blood, sweat and lots and lots of tears. I heard the enlightening splash in the toilet bowl. It was finally over. I survived. I showed The Incredible Hulk-turd from hell who's boss and I was proud of myself. As I turned around to flush. I saw it in all it's horror. I couldn't believe my blood-shot eyes. That poop was the size of a fucking Fiat Uno.

I stood in front of that turd. Victorious and conceited! I felt like Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius...or something like that...you get my point.

Basically I'm just glad it's over.

Cleavage of the week

Fuck it! I'm in a hurry. I have to go! This is Kelly Brook, no introduction needed. I like cleavage. Click here for more!

Phatsnatch evolution continued...

Behold! the Phat's new banner!

Going with the whole PhatSnatch Evolution thing, we decided that our blog's old banner was way too...well...how do you say...unattractive!

In our defence, it wasn't a bad banner for our very first try, but hey. We're on to bigger and better things.

All that i can say is: "Up, up and away!"

The PhatSnatch Evolution - Yeah!

A new dawn has...umm...dawned... on the Phat.

We, the crew here at phatsnatch have decided to let our baby into the world wide web. We deiced to let our little blog spread its wings and fly into the world of hits, comments and posts. Yes, there are other bigger , badder blogs out there. Blogs that will bully our little Phatsnatch and stick it's head in a toilet and make fun of it in front the pretty girls at school and spray it's jean pant with water so that it looks like he pee'd himself and he goes running to his mommy...and...and...

*takes a deep breath*

Sorry, I lost focus there for a second. Btw, all the things I just mentioned happened to a friend of mine. It definitely did not happen to me...it happened to my friend, like I said.

Getting back to business. We added our blog to satopsites in order to get someone other than GeO's mom and mo from HAM (thanx mo) to read our blog.

Good idea? Bad idea? we're not sure yet.
Time tells all and it flies when I'm high. I mean when I'm having fun. in the sun. with my one barrel gun. Ok, that didn't make any sense. But what the hell does in this crazy world of ours? More about that in another post though.

For now this is Phatboi for Phatsnatch. over and out. and about. cos I shout. it out...