Phatsnatch just got knocked the fuck out...

It's bad. Real bad (and i'm not talking about the pink blog formally known as phatsnatch). I did more damage than we initially thought. By screwing with the phat code of our phat blog, I screwed with the phat hits we were receiving. Now as a result of this, we're number 200 or so on the satopsites directory. What a dark...dark day for the Phat.

I'm sorry guys. I fixed it now. Let's hope it stays that way. Fixed I mean...

Enough said...

official info here

Eurika!!!

Finally. The reason I haven't been able to fix the blog...




Ps. If you wre wondering...I'm the guy in the picture above...mmkay?

Good Apollo is working his magic!

Yes, we know the blog is pink. We know it's scary(in a homo kind of way). But it's part of the phat process of restoring this phat blog to it's phat phormer glory. Dsaa-yom that's a lot of phat in one sentence. In fact. I bet that was just the phatest sentence ever!!!

Anyway. Please don't be alarmed, and if you are - take Good Apollo's advice: "Run outside and punch yourself "

Ok pumpkin??

Back to the (Lance) Bass(ics).

Yes, the blog is pink until I've fixed it.
My reasoning for this is as follows:

1. To celebrate Lance Bass falling out of the big gay closet.
2. GeO wears a lot of pink so it's to celebrate his wardrobe. He is also very good friends with Lance Bass.
3. I thought it would be kinda funny. Even if it's just funny to me.

Am I the only person that didn't enjoy Finding Nemo? Dang.

Gay gay, it's Friday!

Ok, so in conjunction with my last post, I've decided to take a look at what's on at the movies this weekend and give a short review on what's showing.

Also, in conjuction with my last post, GeO is still a mommy's boy and a homo..

Lance Bass from 'Nsync comes out of the closet.

Geez.
Didn't see that one coming. Big surprise.

....

Anyways...

Ok, so I've waited about 10mins for Ster Kinekor's site to open. You know, ever since they've redone it, it's been a bit shit. Very sluggish. And this is on broadband. If you're a poor struggling musician like myself, chances are that you still use a dial up connection at home. Not your own home, your mom's. Because you still live there.

It is now 14:15. I'm going to look up Ster Kinekor's website in both IE and Firefox and see how long it takes for the page to open completely.

In the meantime, I'll use Nu Metro. Under protest, because their brand colours are kinda gay. Like that guy ^^. And GeO.

Hmm, Nu Metro opens immediately.
Anyways, for sake of comparison (if Ster Kinekor's site opens before Doomsday) I'm going to use Bedford for a venue.

(* please note that I have not seen all of these movies, but I will give my opinion anyway based on the actors and storyline)

16 Blocks
Stars Bruce Willis, David Morse and Mos Def. I've seen it and I enjoyed it. I guess it has been done many a time before, washed up cop trying to do a last good deed, but formula does work sometime. I enjoyed Mos Def's character, although I couldn't quite make out what he was saying a few times. And I wasn't hungover. No, really.

Cars
Well, has to be better than Finding Nemo?

Over The Hedge
Well, has to be better than Finding Nemo?

Poseidon
Was boring originally, will probably be boring again.

Superman Returns
A.W.E.S.O.M.E.
Probably the best movie you'll see this year. It even has the original intro font and music. Go watch it, or punch yourself. There are no other options.

Take The Lead
"The real story of a dance teacher who believed in the talent of a group of problem kids."
You're shitting me, right?
Sounds like a ponced up version of Dangerous Minds.
Oh and starring Antonio Banderas. I believe his best role to date is still that of Puss in Boots in Shrek 2.

The Break Up
"After Brooke (Aniston) calls it quits with her boyfriend Gary (Vaughn), neither person is willing to move out of the condo they share. Taking the advice of their repsective friends and confidants (and a few total strangers), they both engage in mental warfare designed to force the other person to flee the premises -- until they both realize they might be fighting to keep their relationship alive."
Now, I'm no expert on relationships, but isn't the first thing you want to do after breaking up with someone is to get the hell away from them?

**** Oh, it's now 14:29 and the SK website has timed out in Firefox. Go IE!

A house can't possibly be that cool. I'm going to say it's shit on the premise of the cast too.

The Lake House
I like Sandra Bullock and I like Keanu Reeves too. And I have forgiven him for the bare ass shot in the Matrix 2: Trainwreck. Not to be mistaken with the Matrix 3: Jump Up My Ass. I'll wait for it on DVD.

The Sentinel
This actually looks like it could be entertaining. Ye olde spy story.
Starring Michael Douglas, Eva Longoria Kim Basinger and Kiefer Sutherland.
I like Kiefer. Not because he kinda looks like Ross from Prime Circle, but I really enjoyed his character in 24.

**** 14:36 and still no loaded Ster Kinekor website.

I will be spending some time over the weekend fixing PhatBoi's fucku.. oopsie that he had with the blog. Hopefully I'll have it sorted before Monday.
If it's not, just assume that I probably drank way too much and ended up passed out in my socks and a Led Zeppelin tshirt in the middle of my kitchen.

My mom's kitchen.

Cleavage Friday

Do you ever get those days where you feel like you've experienced the same thing somewhere else before? Deja Vu? I'm sure I've done a Cleavage Friday (previously known as COTW) of Elsa Pataky before, and I'm sure I got the pics from Maxim Online as well. And I'm quite sure Elsa was doing the same thing to my manaconda as she is doing to that snake in these photos a while ago. Regardless, we get a lot a material from Maxim Online I can't see why anybody bothers visiting our blog when they can get the phatest cleavage direct from the source. Completely cut out the middleman. And since our blog is currently a steaming pile of dismembered animal excrement I cant see a reason why anyone would still...What the Jesus am I saying!! The blog being broken is just a temporary setback. Good Apollo lives!!!!

And if he does go back to the mass-grave he unexpectedly crawled out from to post yesterday's...umm...post we still have Rox who has oh so kindly offered to help a brudda out. Fanx Rox. We have friends in high places, Rox is ranked at least 20th in the SA Topsites blog category. I'm network-skilled like that.

So until PhatSnatch is 100% fully operational again here's some butt cleavage to keep our angry masses calm. It's not Elsa Pattycakes but she'll do fine. Heck yeah!

I don't believe it.

I go away for a month or two, and these two idiots ruin my hard work.
I know it was Phatboi that did the breaking, but the other one is included because he's from Grease.

In fact, they fcked it up so badly, I couldn't even upload an image! In the blogspot backend! It takes a certain kind of special to do that...
Luckily I'm just in time to save the day! Sounds a lot like the job this guy does..

If you haven't seen Superman Returns, run outside and punch yourself in the face. NOW.
And if your name is Gary and you're a vegetable, do it as well. For good measure.

The G to the O to the O to the D Apollo! Kick it!

Posting for the sake of saying nothing

I haven't posted anything in years. I'm beginning to think the only thing I'm really good for is Cleavage Of The Week (or Cleavage Friday as its now known as). But that's not a bad thing now is it? Truth be told I haven't had any inspiration, what with the blog being broken and all. I mean PhatBoi has tried everything in his power to fix the thing but he's no Good Apollo. Maybe this is the beggining of the end. Maybe it was never meant to be.

Thanks to our new best fan Rox for her support during our time of need. But maybe its just better this way. Its becoming a slow painful death for a once great blog, a greater man would have handled this with more dignity, sort of like Beard Man in the pic on the left. I imagine him screaming like a 4 year old blonde girl with freckles. I know his pain. I sort of know the Fat Chick's pain as well. She's wearing a yellow t-shirt and has legs the size of Derek Watts. Yes.

Thats about it. Can't wait for Cleavage Friday, it'll probably be the last one we ever have.

The innocent days of comics...hmmm???

Thanx to my knee-grow Reg for this one. Respect!

HTM HELL...

To spite my bestest of my best efforts I couldn't manage to restore The Phat to it's former glory. "This is a fuck".Turns out Good Apollo (who designed the layout originally) is a lot smarter than I thought he is. Respect! Also turns out I'm a lot dumber than I though I was...Shit!

Before I fucked up the code of the phatest blog around I didn't know anything about HTML. Now a mere 9 hours later. I have become the all knowing all seeing god of html...I WISH!!!!

Let me put it this way. HTML is the kryptonite to my Superman, the fly in my drink, the piss on battery...I think you know where I'm going with this.

But, tomorrow is another day. HTML may have won the battle but it hasn't won the war...yet. I'm going HML studying tonight. Yessss!!! And tomorrow (or the day after, or the day after that) you will see the wonder of my ill skills in HTML.

PhatBoi out.

I raped Phatsnatch in the ass...my apologies to all

Sorry guys. The blog looks like a piece of shit once again. Why? Coz I fucked up...Big time. I'm busy fixing it, so until then - sit back, relax and prey...please prey for me to get this catastrophy fixed COZ I'M FREAKING OUT!!!!!

Please be patient. Thank you

Good Apollo this is PhatBoi. I desperately need your help. Good Apollo! Come in Good Apollo!

Houston! We have a problem...

Testing 1..2..3

This is a test post coz I fucked up the code about 5 minutes ago and I don't think it's working...

Playlistism....

Playlistism:

Discrimination based not on race, gender, or religion, but rather on a disturbingly horrible [iTunes] music library discovered through a school or job network.

Refers to the "shared music" feature available on iTunes in which one can browse the various music libraries of the co-workers or classmates in the network. Often requires awkward explanation of why you have "that song."

Mike accused me of playlistism when I questioned his collection of Color Me Badd [b-side]s.






More cool words for you to learn over here

Fantastic Four getting even more fantastic!

"What is this all about?" I hear you say.

Well let me enlighten you's...This my beloved readers (and GeO's mom) is what you can expect from next years Fantastic 4 sequel! That's right! The Silver Surfer baby! Can I get a "HELL-YEAH!! DSAA-YOM!!!" I love the silver Surfer in the most non-homosexual way possible. Together with his trusty board and the power cosmic he can just about kick everyone's ass... at the same time.

"The Silver Surfer wields "the power cosmic," absorbing and manipulating the universe's ambient cosmic energies. He can augment his strength to incalculable levels, and is almost totally indestructible. He can navigate space, hyperspace and dimensional barriers, and can fly at near-limitless speeds on his board, entering hyperspace when he exceeds light speed."

This is what MARVEL has to say:

"Surf into a Sequel

You may have caught the wave of exciting news about the upcoming Fantastic Four sequel. In case you haven't gotten your head above water, the announcement is that the Sentinel of the Spaceways will be joining Marvel Comics' first family in the sequel to the 2005 blockbuster, expected in theaters in Summer of 2007 . . . In other words, it's official, the Silver Surfer will appear in the Fantastic Four sequel!

The cast of the original Four will be returning, with Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic, Michael Chiklis as the beloved blue-eyed Thing, Chris Evans as the fiery Human Torch, and the even hotter Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman. Keep your radars scanning for more cosmic buzz on the super-powered sequel expected to hit the screens next summer."

I'm so excited. I can't hide it! Those are lyrics from a song I've never heard before in my life. I swear. mmkay?

An-ee-hoo

More about the most awesome Marvel character here.

And remember kids... You heard it first on The Phat!

Cleavage Friday

As you can see we've changed the name of our weekly homage to all things round and bouncy to "Cleavage Friday." This is because all other goddam blogs stole our hacronym! That being COTW. We are on the cutting edge of naming our posts. Because I'm skilled like that.

This is Gisele Bundchen - I think thats how her name is spelt. Sorry, I dont speak Brazilian. Pretty much the only thing thats making me happy today is staring at her Phat breasts and her neat little tan line. I'm in a highly somber mood today, I dont know if cleavage is the answer. I think, let me rephrase that, I KNOW that once i find a new line of career I will be a happier man. I feel like faking a heart attack right now. To get the sick leave from work, also to get the opportyunity to sue the bastards for harmful workplace environment damage...or something along those lines, I dont know the legal terminology for it, I dont speak Brazilian remember.
Goddam I hate my job. I like the free internet access it provides me, but I still hate my job.

Not really COTW

PhatBoi has made so many posts today, it makes me feel slightly inadequate. So I'm going to do what I do best. I'm going to post pictures of boobs. Not just any boobs, but Christina Aguilera's boobs. That's right, check out this link for almost naked Christina breasts. Tell me what you think, because I was expecting so much more. Honestly, those things hang like over-filled water balloons. It reminds me of my primary school days when we use to take field trips to animal farms, and the farmer use to tug on those gigantic over-ripe cow udders, and he would fill a bucket full of warm cow fluid, and he would offer us to sip the milk, and then he'd spray us with the teet, and then we'd drink the milk, and the next day I would shit yellow fluid until my stomach collapsed. I wouldn't like to taste Christina's cow fluid.

I must apologise to Attu. I totally stole this post from him...I'm skilled like that. I must also apologise to the office coffee lady for downing all the filter coffee...I'm hyper like that.

Blogroll in your face! Phat Ninja style!

We finally have a proper Blogroll in place thanx to none other than... Me! Phatboi!

Go Phatboi! Its your birthday! Go Phatboi! Its your birthday!

Small little baby steps. But we're getting there!!!

Lazy asshole???

Shweet ride for my knee-grows!!!

This little b-e-a-uty of a car is the latest release in the VW Polo series. It's basically a GTI (Dsaa-yom I live that word) Polo on horse steroids - the kind they use on race horses...Yeah!

It goes by the name of: Polo GTI - "Cup Edition" and its basically the Polo of the junior racing series with a license to kill...I mean a license for the road...Nice!!!



Apart from the obvious external differences (that are very easy on the eye) this baby is a whole different animal under the hood. Here's a rundown of the Polo walking the talk in the hood:



" The turbocharged five-valve four-cylinder engine has had its performance boosted to produce 132 kW (180 PS) from 1.8 litres and a maximum torque of 235 newton meters, already available at 2000 rpm. That puts the Polo GTI at the top of its segment – and makes it a dynamic thrill to drive. Not surprising with a power-weight ratio of just 6.6 kilograms per PS!

This engine propels the fastest Polo of all time to a maximum speed of 225 km/h and the "Cup Edition" accelerates from a zero to 100 km/h in only 7.5 seconds. "

The only shit thing about this engineering wonder is that it won't be released in sunny South Africa. WHICH IS TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!
Here at home we'll have to settle for the standard 110kw GTI due for release late August or early September 2006. Can't wait!




perfomance info here
pics all the way over here

Mo and Good Apollo don't like The Phat...

Well it's official.

Phatsnatch is not worthy of having more than two bloggers at the same time. It's been proven over and over again... It all started with Good Apollo. We invited him to share his corrupt and very, very dark comedic genius with the rest of the world via a young blog known as phatsnatch. Because, frankly, we like the guy. It started out good and we had high hopes for him.

But it turns out that the feeling wasn't mutual.after finishing the design of the blog, he disappeared. He's not returning any of my phone calls. He doesn't write, he doesn't send flowers. Nothing! He has thrown phatsnatch to the dawgs...

Enter Mo.

When I heard that Mo's was ending his blog - HAM. We were pleasantly surprised. Because, frankly, we like the guy...well his blog anyway. I invited Mo to join our blog and contribute his ideas and thoughts to our growing project - PhatSnatch. He accepted. He got off to a slow start in the posting area, but we gave him time to settle in.

Only to come across THIS -> "Yes. Its true. I started a new site

http://www.entersite.co.za/

The blogs can be accessed via the menu, or

http://blog.entersite.co.za/

ENJOY PEOPLE!"

Can it be? Is it true that Mo has abandoned The Phat to work on his own site once again? Yes it's true. Phatsnatch is a two blogger atte same time kind of blog....

ps. good luck with the new site Mo...

The day I discovered Firefox

Yesterday I installed the Firefox web browser. Its the greatest thing thats happened to me since 1985 when I first discovered He-Man. And when I say He-Man I refer to the cartoon series of the 1980's and not a man of the gaylord persuasion. I recommend everybody install this app, go here to download it for free if you want to browse with a happy ending...every time.

I know, this app has been around for a long time. And I do work in the "internet" industry and I should've known about it sooner. Lets just say I had more important things to do than to look for new web browsers, mmkay. Look at their logo. Why would you not want to install this on your machine? Its like a fox and he's 'around' the world and his tail is made of flames (flames of destruction I bet) and if you look close enough it looks like he has a sly little grin. Because he's a fox he's very sly, hence the saying "sly like a fox." You want more boobs dont you?

A serious case of the Mondays

Yup. I've got a serious case of the Mondays!

Someone once told me that Monday is what Sunday threw up. I think that someone might just have been the crack-whore that used to hang out at our local cafe trying to sell herself off to the young schoolboys who came to play "wonderboy" on the 20c arcade machines. Eeuuughhh!!!

Come to think of it - She actually reminds me a bit of Courtney Love. Double Eeuuughhh!!! Anyway, I don't really remember if that little piece of advice came from her or not, but it doesn't really matter. What does matter though, is that I think she was right, cos it's Monday today and Mondays just can't pass by quick enough...

Know what I'm sayin knee-grow?!?!

Cleavage of the week

I dont know why I call these posts Cleavage of the Week. It should be called "Clevages of the Week" since I give our readers so much of boob. This is Krystan or is that Krysten? I don't know. She's not famous yet. But if she asks me really, really nicely I might just consider making her famous. I'm generous like that.

Filter Coffee is the shizzle!

There's only one thing better than having filter coffee in the middle of the night, and that's having filter coffee first thing in the morning.Yeah!

This morning when I came into the office I had high hopes for posting good shit,but a lass. My feverish spontaneity came to a grinding halt when I actually started thinking about what to post.

I got to talking with my knee-grow GeO and it turned out he had the same problem as me. Then it hit him. Sort of like when you get hit by a bus....twice. And that bus is a 200Kg giant that dresses funny and likes the smell of freshly cut flowers in the spring...Wait. Where was I going with this...

Any-hoo! GeO gave me the answer to the problem I was facing and it went a little something like this - "I'm too stupid to post something this early".
That is, until you've had your daily dose of filter coffee.And because of this one little cup of Ethiopian heaven I'm as hyper as a mofo...

Some coffee facts that's not so interesting, but which I know you'll read anyway:

- Coffee is the second most ccommonly traded commodity in the world (measured by monetary volume), trailing only petroleum.

- In total, 6.7 million tonnes of coffee were produced annually in 1998-2000, forecast to rise to 7 million tonnes annually by 2010

- Dsaayom that's a lot of coffee!!!

Coffee facts brought to you by Phatsnatch.blogspot.com with the help of wikidi wik Wikipedia

Birds. Go figure...

Thanx to Ant for this one. Yeah!

Good Apollo's mom

Most of you have heard of our MIA friend Good Apollo but you've never actually witnessed any of his posts. Yes he is a real person and he is not a figment of the Phat's imagination. Good Apollo used to be one of our best contributor's in the beginning. Smart, witty and charming. We miss him. But I miss his Mom even more.

Normally I wouldn't write a post like this since Good Apollo is a bear of a man with a beard and gigantic claw-like hands. He could crush me in one fell swoop. Its a good thing he doesn't visit this blog then, isn't it?

Anyways, I wrote this little song about Good Apollo's mom (sung to the tune of Stacey's Mom by The Fountains of Wayne):

Good Apollo do you remember when I mowed your lawn
Your mom came out with just a towel on
I could tell she liked me from the way she stared
And the way she said you missed a spot over there

I know you think it's just a fantasy
But since your dad walked out
Your mom could use a guy like me

Good Apollo's mom has got it going on
She's all I want and I've waited for so long
Good Apollo's mom has got it going on

I didn't actually write this song, all I did was change "Stacey" to "Good Apollo" - I'm skilled like that. I needed to take a dig at Good Apollo, hopefully this will get him angry enough to post something...someday.

I just got my ass handed to me! Again!

I got this in my inbox today. Sometimes I just love the assholes I work with... That means you PhatBoi!

Free advertising...NOT!!!!!!

"Great blog. please check out my site "Make Money Online" and let me know what you think of it. cheers" is what some anonymous blogger commented on my "Totally pissed off!" post I did a couple of months ago. Obviously the above site name was hyperlinked to the respective website but I removed it. I removed it because its my (and Geo's and Good Apoolo's and Mo's) blog and I can be an asshole about the whole thing if I want to.There! Happy?

I'm gonna try and say this in as nice a way possible:"DON'T EXPECT PHATSNATCH TO ADVERTISE YOUR SHIT BY PULLING A CHEAP ONE!"

Dear. Mr or Mrs or Ms. Anonymous.

By reading my "Totally pissed off!" post you should have gathered that I hate free loaders.

"There are few things in this world that piss me off as much a free loader. Yes a free loader. The type of person that's like a blood sucking, bacteria infested, parasitical leech. They just latch on to you in hope that they can get some sort of freebie..."

So why in the hell did you think I would post your free advertising comment to my post? I don't even know who you are for crying out loud! Were you hoping that the other three people reading this damn blog would also click on your link? It's people like you that get bloggers like me to disable the "allow anonymous comments" on their blogs FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

By doing this post, I probably pissed you off. And you probably want to tie me to a chair and shoot me in the knee caps and armpits for saying what I just said. But I don't care! Its all your fault that I'm in such a foul mood in the first place!!!

Oh and btw... thanx for visiting Phatsnatch and makin an effort to leave a comment :)

love Phatboi =)

I just got my ass handed to me!

I run the risk of getting PhatBoi angry again, but I don't care, he's Afrikaans he deserves it. I'm going to post about my CCNA...again. I wrote the certification exam yesterday and quite frankly I got my ass handed to me by that test! Kind of like what this strapping gentleman is doing to that ladies pearly white buttocks, except with a larger stick and with a hairier asshole.

I swear to God that was the single most difficult exam I have ever written. Ever. And I've written a lot of exams in my life. Its not the fact that I didn't know the theory (which I did), its not the fact that I didn't know the practical application (which I did because I knows my shit) its the fact that the exam is 90 minutes long and there are 56 sections in total. Not questions but sections. Certain sections had upto 5 seperate questions. So assuming each section had one question that would leave approximately 1.6 minutes to answer each section. It took me about 2minutes to finish reading the questions before I got around to even imagining how to answer the section. This is a fuck!

I just ran out of time. Thats all there is to it. I just ran out of time. It was too goddamn long and too goddamn involving for the time frame that they set to actually finish all the sections with a meaningful result. I'm at a loss and I'm R1400 poorer for it. I cant write this exam again, I'm going to lose my mind. Is there anybody out there that is willing to sell me their certification?! I'm desperate!