Dilbert Funny - I Laugh

This is single-handedly the funniest dilbert cartoon ever!! It so relevant to my daily work I just had to share this with the rest of the world (or all three people that actually view this blog, ps. hi mom). I nearly shit my pants when I read this, I swear to god half my clients exhibit the same behaviuor.

All thanks to www.dilbert.com. Enjoy!

From now on, kids will be playing Indians and Indians.

Some rejected titles for Brokeback Mountain - the compelling love story between 2 queer steers.

• HIGH NOONER
• JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON
• TRUE, HE GRITS
• POLESMOKE
• THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE
• BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE KID
• THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE
• PAINT YOUR FAG ON
• HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG
• THE WILD BRUNCH
• HE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON
• THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER
• DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID
• VERY RAW HIDE
• LONESOME DOUG
• THE HOARSE SOLDIERS
• DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN
• MCCABE AND MR. MILLER
• A FISTFUL OF NED
• HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!
• THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES
• QUICKLY DOWN UNDER
• BAREBACK MOUNTING
• BONE-NANZA
• DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS
• HOME ON THE RANGER
• OKLAHOMO
• ROOSTER COCKBURN
• LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
• PRANCES WITH WOLVES
• BALONEY PONY RODEO
• TUBESTEAK COWBOYS

Slogans To Live By

Just got this mail from a friend. Thought i'd post it on the blog since i found it rather amusing, here you go kids...

Somebody light a match in here!!!!

The office vegetarian has come down with an almost fatal case of *bubbleguts. If you work in an office you'll know that this is probably the worst thing that can happen in a workplace where there's a communal bathroom.

This fucking guy has been taking dumps like a grizzly bear with irritable bowel syndrome! Running to the shitter every 5mintues while holding his stomach and clinching his butt cheeks for fear of shitting himself. I think he must've lost about 4 kg's in the last 2 hours, all that while working up a stench like a sewerage farm.

He just farted in the office and Holy Shit!!!!! That shits burning my eyes! I went outside to get some fresh air and everyone wanted to know why is was crying. Still struggling to get my breath I explained to them that I wasn't crying because I was sad but because it felt like I finely chopped 10 onions and rubbed it in my eyes.

I'm sitting at my desk and I'm afraid that if I open my mouth that the atrocious stench will stick to my taste buds... damn soya beans.

The worst of all his that he doesn't want to go home! he is trying to pull the "I'm a dedicated worker through thick and thin" card.

I hate that guy!!!


*bubbleguts : when the only thing coming out of your anus is liquid shit and air, creating a bubble effect when farting

#414593 - DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Courtesy of bash.org

Ps: Bash.org is a quotes database of crap that gets said on IRC (Internet Retard Chat).

The Phatsnatch guide to picking up woman

If you are a guy and you even thought about reading this guide, you're probably too much of a loser to even be thinking of picking up woman. There is no such thing as a guide to pick up woman. A chick either likes you or she doesn't. You should know that by now.

If she likes you - cool. If she doesn't - don't cry over it like the sad sack of shit that you are, just forget about it and move on!

Or you should just go back to your home computer with your pube infested mouse and keyboard, visit your usual pervert chat room and spank the monkey while you talk to your "super model girlfriend" who conveniently always has some kind of photo shoot in a far away country like Fiji when you try to meet up with her.

Now get back to your sad life ...ASSHOLE!!!

Have you seen Office Space? Yeah, uhm, yeah, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and do that. You'll understand better.

Also, there's a new show out on BBC called IT Crowd (http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/I/itcrowd/). They also pretty much have the whole thing spot on.

INNER PANDAMONIUM!!!

In case anyone ever reads this besides GeO's mom (when she's over at my place), I used to work with both of these handsome gentlemen at their current place of employment. I was never involved with telephonic support there (although I do have about 15 months dial up tech support under my belt) but I did go into the office on a lot of occassions to physically and mentally abuse the Greek.

I'm a developer, and my soul is just as dead. Instead of trying to please people over the telephone (GeO and his mom shares this occupation) I try to please them with applications. Please note, "TRY".

There just is no pleasing people.
So instead I've just resorted to scoffing, sarcasm and drinking.
A lot of drinking.

No really.

I have my own blog thing, but don't bother going there. There's one post, and it's pretty crap.

Mr. Paranoia

Quote for the day!

The truth solitary hurts when it is as profound and opaque as a brick.

How to kill a co-worker and make it look like an accident

What to say and when to say it

Have you ever had a feeling that you have nothing to say, but you have to say something just for the sake of it?

This is our blog. It’s a blog that says nothing, but says it just for the sake of saying something…

Becoming one with the floor : The art of break-dancing

The death of a soul

After working for four years as a technical support agent in an ISP (Internet Service Provider) call center, the unthinkable, unimaginable has happened...my soul has finally died. Gone, kaput, no longer in existence. Like the lush fields of an open prairie burned to the ground...that is what my soul is...it’s like a void in space, only much, much emptier.

So how does one carry on living without a soul? You may ask.You carry on with a false hope that tomorrow will be better than today. That it will bring a new light to your life. That somehow against all the odds you won’t have to talk to people who, when they sit in front of a computer loose all common sense and independance. The kind of people who loose a chromosome every time they switch on a computer and only have enough brain power to phone the technical support help desk! for crying out loud!!!

Here in the call center we have two specific error messages for these kinds of people:

1. You have the "i D ten T" error which roughly translates to "id10t" error!!!

-OR-

2. The other very descriptive error message we use, is the "PICNIC" error. For the technically inclined it breaks down to something like "Problem In Chair Not In Computer"

Hence my question....

ARE POEPLE REALLY THAT DUMB? Or is the fact that they can be spoon-fed over the phone reason enough to stop thinking?

Stuck on a mound, without a paddle....

Another typical day at the support office...
After a hard morning of slogging over support calls to brain-dead, leech, idiot clients we decided to take a lunch break away from the coal mines (office). My soul had died approximately 5 times that day, so we needed to get out of the trenches and take a break. We wanted something new, something different, not your typical lunch out.

Zoo Lake was the most obvious choice, close and serene and just far enough away that we couldn't hear the rings. The dreadful telephone rings...

We took the scenic route. Through the middle of Zoo Lake rather than your normal tar road drive around the block, we took the trusty civic. Bundu-bashing like no civic has done before. We wanted to discover the real Zoo Lake, become one with the beauty of of this unspoilt natural corner of Joburg. In all truth we actually wanted to find some ducks to drive over. It would've been like a scene from Grand Theft Auto, except with more feathers. Yes.

Truth be told, i didn't know what the hell i was doing or where i was going but i did know i wanted to run some ducks out! No ducks. Just big dirt mounds. Big dirt mounds made from quicksand. The civic just couldn't handle it, there was too much sand for a road car to handle. We got stuck. I got scared. I cried and nearly pee'd my pants. It was terribly emotional.