The Homeless Have Feelings Too

I was on my lunch break today and I decided to get away from the office for a bit. Plus I had some work to do for my dad - I had to pay off some his gambling debts, so it was more of a matter of I HAD to go on lunch. No worries though, I decided I was going to spend his money on something more worthwhile like a keg of Heineken. Hope my dad doesn't get too upset with his new life in a wheelchair.

I pulled up to the Jan Smuts - 4th Ave. intersection in Rosebank and as is the norm in Northern Joburg this Homeless Dude starts haggling me. He was an old white dude too lazy to stand and beg, he was sitting on a deck chair, had no teeth and smelt like a mixture of urine and cheap whiskey. By no choice of my own I pull up next to him and since I forgot my radio in the office I had nothing to drown out his bitching and so Homeless Dude starts talking to me.

Obviously smitten by the Civic he says to me: "when am I getting my car back?"
"Class clown 'ey?" I think to myself. I just smile sarcastically like most people do when they are trying to ignore the homeless.
For some reason he still wants to make friends and carries on, "don't look so miserable friend."
How can you not be miserable when you work in technical support! Retard homeless schmuck!
I reply, "I would be happier if I had a five hour lunch." I dig deeper and retort "actually, I would be REALLY happy if I didn't have to work at all!"

I drive off, Homeless Dude is left aghast.

PS. I just thought I'd post that pic because there is something morbidly distrubing about it. Call me crazy...

Two chicks, at the same time.

http://www.bullshitjob.com/quiz.html

Play this now!

Found this link the other day, and i've been playing this for hours. It has nothing to do with the picture displayed, except I scream like Ms Sharapova sometimes...


















Click here to play the TennisChallenge game

This will make your eyes bleed - in a good way.

PS. GoodApollo, play this without blinking for 5hours straight. Shortly after jump into your car on a dark starless night, keep your lights off and take a drive on the N1

The "dumb ass client" saga continues

I know its sad to say, but we here at phatsnatch can actually relate to these cartoons...





cartoons courtesy of userfriendly.org

Comedown Monday

I'm so miserable today, it's not even funny.
The only thing I can think of doing is to make fun of GeO.

Dilbert Funny - I Laugh

This is single-handedly the funniest dilbert cartoon ever!! It so relevant to my daily work I just had to share this with the rest of the world (or all three people that actually view this blog, ps. hi mom). I nearly shit my pants when I read this, I swear to god half my clients exhibit the same behaviuor.

All thanks to www.dilbert.com. Enjoy!

From now on, kids will be playing Indians and Indians.

Some rejected titles for Brokeback Mountain - the compelling love story between 2 queer steers.

• HIGH NOONER
• JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON
• TRUE, HE GRITS
• POLESMOKE
• THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE
• BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE KID
• THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE
• PAINT YOUR FAG ON
• HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG
• THE WILD BRUNCH
• HE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON
• THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER
• DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID
• VERY RAW HIDE
• LONESOME DOUG
• THE HOARSE SOLDIERS
• DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN
• MCCABE AND MR. MILLER
• A FISTFUL OF NED
• HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!
• THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES
• QUICKLY DOWN UNDER
• BAREBACK MOUNTING
• BONE-NANZA
• DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS
• HOME ON THE RANGER
• OKLAHOMO
• ROOSTER COCKBURN
• LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
• PRANCES WITH WOLVES
• BALONEY PONY RODEO
• TUBESTEAK COWBOYS

Slogans To Live By

Just got this mail from a friend. Thought i'd post it on the blog since i found it rather amusing, here you go kids...

Somebody light a match in here!!!!

The office vegetarian has come down with an almost fatal case of *bubbleguts. If you work in an office you'll know that this is probably the worst thing that can happen in a workplace where there's a communal bathroom.

This fucking guy has been taking dumps like a grizzly bear with irritable bowel syndrome! Running to the shitter every 5mintues while holding his stomach and clinching his butt cheeks for fear of shitting himself. I think he must've lost about 4 kg's in the last 2 hours, all that while working up a stench like a sewerage farm.

He just farted in the office and Holy Shit!!!!! That shits burning my eyes! I went outside to get some fresh air and everyone wanted to know why is was crying. Still struggling to get my breath I explained to them that I wasn't crying because I was sad but because it felt like I finely chopped 10 onions and rubbed it in my eyes.

I'm sitting at my desk and I'm afraid that if I open my mouth that the atrocious stench will stick to my taste buds... damn soya beans.

The worst of all his that he doesn't want to go home! he is trying to pull the "I'm a dedicated worker through thick and thin" card.

I hate that guy!!!


*bubbleguts : when the only thing coming out of your anus is liquid shit and air, creating a bubble effect when farting

#414593 - DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Courtesy of bash.org

Ps: Bash.org is a quotes database of crap that gets said on IRC (Internet Retard Chat).